I freaking love my cats

Hubert looks so cute all the time. His coloring makes it look like he is smiling all the time, even while he is sleeping.

Interesting question

Child A is 13. Child B is 12. They engage in some sort of consensual sexual contact. Putting aside any discussion on the appropriateness, in a moral sense, of that behavior (because holy crap, they are both so young! I was truly terrified of penises @ that age and NEVER wanted to see one, ever), should one or both of them be considered sexual offenders? Victims of sexual abuse? Neither, since they are both around the same age and it was consensual? What if they were both exactly the same age?

Defendants who have a criminal sexual conduct charge who undergo what's called a psychosexual evaluation, meant to determine their risk to re-offend. In these evaluations, they discuss prior sexual events in the person's life, whether consensual or not. I have seen and heard of evaluations which state that the defendant has previous "victims," and the prior "offense" has been when the defendant was young (12-14) and the "victim" is right around the same age. The sexual contact was consensual, yet, the evaluator determines that the defendant sexually abused the other party involved. I'm not sure that I agree with that assessment.

I am obviously not a licensed doctor or therapist who does those type of evals for a living, so my opinion probably doesn't amount to a hill of beans. But, I recall that, several years ago, it wasn't an uncommon situation for parents to find young kids "playing doctor," which inevitably involved taking off clothes and comparing body parts. It wasn't considered a sexual offense; it wasn't appropriate but it wasn't a criminal action. It was curiosity.

And many teenagers are sexually active, generally with each other. The discussion about the morality or appropriateness of teenagers having sex is for a different time. Assuming that they are having sex, with each other, and it is consensual, should we characterize that as criminal conduct and/or sexual abuse? If they are the same age, how do we determine who the perpetrator is and who the victim is? Does it depend on whether one of them later goes on to be convicted of a sex offense? Does that conviction years later transform otherwise non-criminal conduct into criminal conduct? What if they both are convicted of a sex offense in the future?

I find it unsettling to label prior consensual sexual contact between two kids around the same age as criminal behavior or to name one of the two as a victim and the other as an offender. This is routinely done in these evals, without any real research into the facts of the prior event. It's based on the defendant reporting the age @ which the previous sexual event occurred, the other person's age, what contact occurred, and what led up to the contact. If the defendant describes it as consensual, or says that the other person initiated it, the evaluator commonly describes the defendant as "minimizing his/her role" or as "blaming the victim." But, isn't it entirely possible that two 13 year old kids may both be interested in being sexually intimate with each other? Isn't that the common knowledge among adults? Teenagers are walking hormones, who suddenly realize they want to touch other teenagers and have other teenagers touch them. That's why parents are not generally going to let their teenager go stay in a hotel room with their boyfriend/girlfriend. So, why is it so unbelievable that the defendant could have had a consensual sexual encounter as a teenager with another teenager? Why is it so unlikely that the other teenager may have wanted to be sexually active with the defendant or that the other teenager may have initiated the encounter?

Keep in mind, we are not dealing with an 18 year old and a 13 year old, where there is clearly a vast difference in maturity. We are dealing with a 12 or 13 year old and another 12 or 13 year old (or other ages where the two kids are no more than 1 year apart). Why is this considered sexually deviant conduct on the part of the defendant? Is it really that deviant as compared to other teenagers?

It seems that in these evaluations, if a defendant is convicted of any sexual offense, then any past or future sexual experience is automatically considered deviant and criminal, even if it wouldn't otherwise be for anyone else. Masturbate while viewing heterosexual, run-of-the-mill pornography? Totally normal if you aren't a defendant. If you are a defendant, deviant behavior that compounds your sexual predator behavior. Engage in consensual sexual conduct with another teenager the same age as you? Not criminal or deviant so long as you aren't a defendant. If you are, that prior sexual experience shows you have a "history" of sexually abusing others and since you said it was consensual, you are blaming the victim and aren't taking responsibility. If you commit one sexual offense, no matter how serious, suddenly you are considered incapable of having normal sexual experiences and/or desires, whether in the past or in the future.

I realize that sex offenders aren't a popular group. But, are these evaluations really helping identify truly predatory behavior if everything is considered predatory just because the person has been convicted of a sex crime? Even behavior that is normal/non-predatory for others? How do we determine which one of those consenting 12 year olds is the victim or the perpetrator? Is it fair to characterize this as a "history of sexual offenses," if it would not be a history for people who aren't defendants?

It's definitely an interesting question and an interesting can of worms.

Always thinking like a public defender

Recently, there was a terribly frightening incident in MN where a 12 yr old called police to report a shooter at his school in New Prague. This call caused wide-spread panic, as would be expected. However, the report was fake. There was no shooter at the school, a fact that wasn't known until later, after parents had left work in terror to make sure their kids were safe and after police responded.

The kid ended up being arrested for the fake report. The news reported that he could be facing "serious charges." A discussion ensued in my office as to what, exactly, the kid could be charged with.

The initial thought was a Terroristic Threats charge, a felony. This covers threatening to kill someone and also covers saying that you are going to bomb a place or shoot up a place. Shoot up a place seems to fit this situation. But the nuance is that the charge applies if the defendant says HE is going to shoot up a place, not simply saying that someone is already shooting up the place. So that would not fit, then, since this kid didn't say he was going to do it personally. Just that it was happening.

After some discussion, we ended up concluding that the most likely charge would be a Falsely Reporting a Crime. That's a misdemeanor. Not "serious charges" like the news reported he would be facing.

Of course, I expect that he will likely be charged with something more serious given how much panic the false report called. But legally it seems, based on what we know of the facts from the local media (which in no way guarantees accuracy), there doesn't appear to be a fact pattern for anything more serious than Falsely Reporting a Crime.

As we were all discussing this, Golf joked, "Leave it to a bunch of public defenders to figure out how to get him off!"

Yep.

Life in trial

There is a fairly decent chance that I will be in trial this week. On Friday, my case was the second one on the list, meaning that if the first case resolves, my case will be up.

Being in trial is a unique experience. For me and most attorneys I know, everything else in life sort of stops. Like you hit the pause button on your life. All other cases disappear. You have only one client, the trial client. Everyone else is nonexistent during that time.

The same is true for your personal life. Everything is secondary to trial. No social events, no church events, no errands, nothing. Just trial.

Basically when handling a trial, it's like signing up to work every minute of the day minus when you are sleeping. During the day, you are in trial. During the breaks, you are reviewing your case, planning your questions, thinking of how to best present things, etc. There is no "break." Just trial work while the jury goes pee. Same for lunch. Shove something down your gullet while working.

After the work day, you continue to work. You plan and prep and practice. In the shower, you're practicing your open and closing statements. You are practicing your motion argument in the car. It consumes every minute of your life. You go to bed too late and wake up too early. You are never thinking about anything but trial.

So finding out that I'm going to be in trial is both good and bad. I enjoy a good trial. It's the ultimate in "being a lawyer." My very own Law & Order moment. But I also know that my life will be taken over that week and I will no longer have the ability to do anything else except trial.

You get a speedy trial, you get s speedy trial...EVERYONE gets a speedy trial!!

What would happen if every defendant demanded a speedy trial all on the same day?

Currently the judicial system in Minnesota works on the premise that most defendants are willing to give up their constitutional right to a speedy trial. With the exception being people unable to post bail, that premise is usually true. But what if it weren't?

It's an interesting question. No part of the system is adequately funded. Not the court itself, not the court admin, not the PDs, not the prosecutors, and not the crime lab. There isn't enough money to fully staff most of these areas. We all do the best we can with what we have and we make it work. But if every defendant demanded a speedy trial, the system would explode.
In MN, once a defendant makes a speedy demand, the court must have their trial within 60 days. The exception to this rule would be if a person is in custody on a misdemeanor offense-then the time drops down to 10 days (the max sentence on a MN msd is 90 days and our state says you do 2/3rds of your time, which would mean if someone had to wait 60 days in jail on a msd, they would have served the max sentence they could get if convicted. So, they made it 10 days for a speedy msd trial).

Best case scenario: 60 days is 8 weeks. If the trials are very quick, a court might be able to squeeze in 2 trials a week. Assuming 2 trials/week that is 16 speedy trials per judge. In the rural counties, the average number of judges is 2-3. So, if every judge was presiding over speedy trials, that would be 32-48 trials that would be within the speedy time frame.

I have quite a few more cases than 48. So does every public defender I know. Some have close to 200.

Of course, the rules provide that the speedy trial date can be continued for another 60, so that it starts within 120 days of the demand for a speedy trial, but that can only happen if there is good cause. You know what is not considered good cause, according to the MN Supreme Court and Court of Appeals? Court schedule congestion. "Too busy with too many cases" doesn't fly, says the Courts. So, that option wouldn't be available.

So, we are a three judge county and we can do 48 trials in 60 days. Assuming they are quick and uncomplicated. What happens to all the other cases? The ones that can't be held within 60 days? Those people can start filing motions to have the case dismissed. They probably won't get granted, at least not on day 61, but if they delay is too long they will. And if they are in jail waiting for the trial and they don't get a speedy, they are entitled to be released without posting any bail.

Another side effect would be that no other type of case would be heard. No civil cases would be able to be on the calendar because every judge would constantly be presiding over trials.

And, since the crime lab is underfunded and back logged, unless they somehow magically had enough time and people to do all the needed testing, it's inevitable that on some cases, the state wouldn't have test results back from the forensic crime lab in time for trial. There would be a real possibility that they would show up for trial without DNA results, fingerprint analysis, drug testing, etc. completed. Which makes proving cases beyond a reasonable doubt very hard, especially when the defense attorney hammers on the lack of forensic evidence in the case (which we do when we can. I've won cases at trial on that argument and when we talked to the jury, the lack of testing despite the availability of material to test sunk the state's case). The lab can currently accommodate requests to rush a particular test because not everything is speedy. But what if everything was? They couldn't possibly keep up with the demand. No area of the justice system could.

That is the fatal flaw in the whole thing...we operate on the assumption that a vast majority of defendants will waive their speedy trial rights. Legislatures fund the system without realizing that, should people choose to demand that the government abide by their speedy trial right, the entire system would collapse under the weight of complying. Sure, some metro areas have more than 3 judges and could handle more trials in that 60 days, but the number of judges a county has its based on how many cases it has. So while more trials could be heard in 60 days, more cases would not be heard in those counties since they just have more on a regular basis.

It's dangerous to fund a system based on everyone giving up their speedy trial right. We should fund ALL areas of the judicial system with the assumption that people won't give up that right, to ensure we could handle the volume if they don't. Right now, it would be too easy to cause a widespread systemic failure, simply by asking that the judicial system honor the constitutional right to a speedy trial. That is a very precarious way to balance the system.

It has not ever happened (yet) but it is certainly interesting to think about what would occur if it did.

To make the hypothetical even more messed up, imagine what would happen if everyone demanded a speedy trial AND the PDs office had to furlough every PD for a few months because they didn't have funding. So, no attorneys for all these speedy trials... I think the technical term for that would be a "clusterf*ck."

Bits & bites & everything nice (well, maybe not that nice)

I am trying to make sure to twat every day. That is the correct term for posting on Twitter, yes? Twatting? I am up to 6 followers, so I feel pretty important.

Found out that one of my fav prosecutors is leaving and going to work @ the USAO. Which is sad, but also really cool for him. And now if I'm ever federally indicted, I'll just call in a favor. Connections, baby!

Preachers' Daughters on Lifetime is my new dirty television obsession. If you aren't watching it yet, you should be. It's teenage girls with preacher parents and the girls are crazy! I'm obsessed.

In only 26 short days, I will be 30. Which sounds crazy old to me, even though I know it isn't. But it's still the oldest I've ever been. And it sounds so grown up. Like I should be a real adult now. Do real adults wear pants all the time? Because if so, I am going to have some major issues with being a real adult. Man, pants are just so...blegh.

Ward stole my spot on the bed tonight because he is a spoiled brat. My reaction was to pet him and talk to him in baby talk about how cute he looked under the covers, all snuggly and adorbs. I just can't understand why he is so spoiled...

Let's talk about marriage.

Today the Supreme Court heard arguments about Prop 8. Let's take a minute to talk about marriage. As someone who has been married and found myself on the painful end of a divorce, I feel like I have some experience in the marriage area.

Allowing two people who love & care for each other to get married does not, in any way, shape, or form destroy the "sanctity of marriage." In fact, it does the complete opposite by allowing two committed individuals to legally unite their lives and creates bonds that legally obligate them to take care of each other.

More marriage does not destroy the sanctity of marriage. Divorce does. Instead of funneling all this time & resources into preventing people from getting married under the guise of protecting marriage, perhaps more energy should be focused on making divorce more difficult. Protect the unity of marriage by not allowing people to get married and divorced on a whim. Eliminate the concept of a "starter marriage." Making divorce more difficult will cause people to think carefully about the choice to marry someone. People wouldn't be able to jump ship so easily, calling it quits on marriage like it was an old pair of shoes they are tired of.

The hypocrisy of claiming to be in support of marriage without actually doing one single thing to protect marriage from being little more than something to do until you get bored with the other person absolutely infuriates me.

You seriously want to protect marriage? Then make divorces harder to obtain before you go around limiting who can get married. Deal with the staggering divorce rate first and then maybe that BS argument about protecting marriage might sound less like a compete lie to cover homophobia and more like a legitimate belief. I still won't agree with your position on gay marriage, but at least I won't think you are doing lip service without any real action. I can respect someone with a different opinion as long as they stand behind that opinion and really mean it.

Prevent divorce from being the instant go-to when things get dull or rocky and then we can talk. Until then, don't talk to me about protecting marriage.

I give, I give...

Ok so CB keeps telling me I need to get a Twitter account for my blog. I don't get how to use Twitter at all. But I caved into peer pressure and signed up.

You are welcome to follow me, but don't expect too much from it. I don't even know what a hashtag is used for.

@NFTmonosyllabic

I am already confused...

Television in real life

So I'm sort of obsessed with watching true crime shows and documentary-style shows where they go inside real prisons in America and interview inmates and officers, etc. Because apparently I don't get enough of this stuff in my work life...

Anyway, as I watch these shows, I am always amazed at how much time people get sentenced to in other states. Like I was watching one the other day where the guy was in  state prison for selling drugs and his sentence was 75 years. 75 YEARS?! I don't think it's even possible to get a 75 year sentence in Minnesota without some special circumstances. First degree murder will get you life in prison w/o the possibility of parole.  Otherwise, unless there is some aggravating factors, the sentencing grid in Minnesota tops out around 480 months (40 years).

Another one I saw was an 18 year old kid who was in prison for the first time was there for an aggravated robbery. His sentence was 25 years. The presumed sentence in Minnesota for a first time offender convicted of aggravated robbery is 4 years.

So, is Minnesota excessively lenient? Or are other states excessively harsh?

Also, in a similar vein, I happened to be watching "Snapped" on Oxygen (shhh, don't judge me) and it was a new episode. I was only half paying attention until I heard the narrator say, "In 2010, in Lake Crystal, Minnesota..." And then it had my full attention. Minnesota is never mentioned in these type of shows, so I was fascinated. It was an interesting episode, until it got towards the end, when the show was covering the outcome of the murder charges and the narrator said, "Prosecutors offered to take the death penalty off the table if the defendant would plead guilty."

(Insert record scratch noise here)

Fact-check fail. Minnesota doesn't have the death penalty, so the prosecutors didn't offer that unless they were being facetious. Or aholes. In either case, it wouldn't have been s legitimate offer.

Way to go, "Snapped."

Hmmmm

I just found out that I've got to represent a juvenile on a CHIPS file. CHIPS means Child In Need of Protection or Services. It is different than juvenile delinquency stuff.

I know exactly nothing about CHIPS cases. I probably know more about contract law than CHIPS. So this should be interesting........

Hug a public defender day

Fifty years ago today, the landmark case Gideon v. Wainwright was decided by the US Supreme Court. That court unanimously decided in that case that for a person accused of a crime, having an attorney was a necessity, not a luxury, and that if a defendant was too poor to afford one, then the court would appoint one @ public expense. The public defender was born.

The promise of Gideon is still lacking because of terrific underfunding and lack of resources. But the work done by public defenders is a vast majority of the work done in criminal courts.

We win trials for clients. We win motions for our clients. We argue for sentencing that will help our clients get the treatment they need that cannot be received in jail or prison. We negotiate with prosecutors to get charges reduced or dismissed. We explain to our clients what their options are, what will happen at their next court date, and what they can expect.

I've had six cases dismissed at or before the omnibus hearing. In one case, a terrified defendant with no criminal history at all was charged with felony aiding an offender. The law requires that the "offender" being "aided" must have committed a felony offense. In this case, the offender was wanted for misdemeanor warrants, so my client clearly was not guilty of this crime. But the prosecutor & the court had missed that requirement in the statute. After a bit of discussion with the prosecutor, the case was eventually dismissed.

My client didn't speak any English.  My client was poor. My client was facing a felony charge. My client would not have been able to hire a lawyer and certainly could not have discussed this statute with the prosecutor on their own. The promise in Gideon came to fruition in this case.

This is just one example of the work we do every day to protect the rights of the citizens, to ensure fair processes in court, and to help people in need. We have a long way to go still to achieve all that Gideon stands for, but we are fulfilling it in some very big ways.

We get called names, get told we aren't real attorneys, get punched by angry defendants, get scolded by impatient courts, and generally are not really well-received by the public. But, I am incredibly proud to be a member of this elite class of lawyers, defending the least among us. I hope that for every one of my clients, I am fulfilling the promise and ideals of Gideon.

Now, go hug a public defender.

Adjusting to my new work assignment

I am slowly becoming more accustomed to my new county, although I still wish I was in my old county. Nothing is wrong with the new county. It's just new and I don't like change. Plus, I miss the people in my old county. I've been there for four years. That's a long time.

But I'm adjusting to the new county. Some things are nice, like the fact that I don't have to drive to court anymore, since my new county courthouse is only a block away from my office. And the jail is closer, like a 5 minute drive if you hit all the red lights. So that is nice & saves me a lot of time.

The new county schedules things completely differently than my old county. As a crash course for non-lawyers/lawyers who work in other states with different rules, in MN, a defendant will show up to a first court date & formally be charged. This is called a Rule 5 hearing. They can apply for a PD @ this point in time. The next court date is called a Rule 8 and this is usually the first time I'm with the defendant in court.

So, now that we all know that, back to scheduling differences...so in my old county, the Rule 8 hearing was usually within a week or two of the Rule 5. Pretty soon after they appear at the Rule 5, I will meet them & be in court with them. Makes sense, since people are usually pretty freaked out @ this point in the process and want to talk to their lawyer ASAP.

However, in my new county, I got a new file in mid-January. I popped it open & looked to see when the Rule 8 was scheduled for. I actually had to double check that I had read it correctly because it said the Rule 8 was scheduled for March 25! Wowza, talk about a drastic change of pace! And that tends to be par for the course. If the defendants aren't in custody, the court dates are spread pretty far apart. If they are in custody, the court schedules them right away so they are complying with the timing requirements for in custody people. But otherwise, the court dates are spread out.

This is both good and bad. Good because I have time to focus on immediate needs clients, i.e. those who are in jail awaiting trial. So I have way more time to meet with clients at the jail and deal with them right away. I also have time to meet with out of custody clients more often, since I'm not in court so often. So those things are good. 90% of lawyering takes place outside of the courtroom, so having more non-court time to get things done is helpful, because then when I am in court, I am always well-prepared and ready to go. I think the only continuance requests I have had to make were for cases that I took over for another lawyer and the trial date was like a week away when I got the file.

The bad? I forget who my clients are and/or what the case is about. I see a court date that is a month and a half away & I read the complaint & put the file away. Then I don't think about it again for a long time because the court date isn't for awhile. So, I get phone calls from people and I think, "Who? Is this my client?" Or I see the file in my drawer & can't remember what the case is about. So that is a bit frustrating. But that is really just my brain being forgetful...

Semi-related but not really: since court is so close, I can walk there now. But that creates the issue of my pant hems dragging in the slush and snow and salt. Which is a great way to ruin dress pants. So, in the pair of pants that I sewed, I solved the problem with some fancy snap cuffs.

On the inside of the pants near the bottom, I sewed two snaps, one on each side along the seams. They are basically invisible from the outside. But, when I need to go walk outside and it's gross outside, I can just snap the cuffs up so they don't drag in the slush. It beats rolling them up, since they always unroll as you walk, or stuffing them in your boots, because they get all wrinkled at the bottom. Snap cuffs! Why hasn't anyone figured this out before?

Sewing master

I made pants! My first pair I've ever made on my own. I am pretty excited about it.

And I don't normally stick my butt out like that. CB told me to so it would be a funny picture. She is clearly a bad influence.

This. Is. My. Life.

Best public defender website ever!

Still looking and feeling good

Been a week and a half and my nails are still in good shape! Normally they would look like a hot mess by now.

I am also still feeling pretty good on a daily basis. Some days I still feel pretty down but they are happening less and less. It is a nice change of pace from feeling horrible every single day of my life.

I prefer to limit my human interaction

So, I got a new phone recently. It has the talk-and-text feature. You know, where you can talk into the phone instead of typing out a text message.
I think that used to just be called "talking on the phone."

Zombies and Martha Stewart

Guys, I'm running!

Ok, not exactly...but sort of... I found this phone app called Zombies, Run! 5k training. So I decided to check it out. I've done two of the missions (which is what they call workouts). The story has me training inside the base camp in order to be able to go out into the zombie infested world and grab supplies for the survivors. So no zombies yet, since I'm still inside the camp. But, I like this so far because the woman who talks to me through my headphones says things like, "Run slowly" and "Don't push yourself." I can totally get on board with that. I'm awesome at not pushing myself, especially when it comes to exercise. And you can add in your own playlist of music, so the "incoming transmissions" just pop in around your music. In my case, I listened to an episode of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" with Martha Stewart as the guest. She is surprisingly funny. And apparently she loves both Spam and Velveeta (both make me gag).

Also, did you know she dated Anthony Hopkins? And that she broke up with him because she couldn't stop seeing him as Hannibal Lechter? I found that hilarious.

Seriously.

Every freaking morning!!

I'm such a wordsmith

CB and I were talking about the fact that we have double the amount of women working in the office than men. I asked, "So what is the opposite of a sausage fest?"

I decided that the opposite of a sausage fest is a clam jam.

Product review

It's been awhile since I've talked about a product that I like enough to talk about it. But, recently I have become a fan of Sally Hansen gel manicure kit. A coworker and I (Carpool Buddy, aka CB) split the cost of it. It's not terribly spendy but it was more than either of us wanted to pay if it didn't work. There are two versions. One has a mini-LED light and uses nail polish strips. That is about  $30. We got that one. The other one uses actual polish, not strips, and a bigger LED light. That one was like $120. Too much for my budget.
However, they sell replacement items for both the big and little kit. So, we bought a shade of the gel nail polish. CB used the strips and I used the polish. Since I didn't use the strips I'll just talk about the polish.
I freaking love it! I can never seem to wait long enough for my nail polish to dry and I always screw it up. This dries right after you stick your nail under the light, which lasts about 30 seconds! Amazing!
And normally I manage to somehow chip my polish in a day or two, at most. If I put my hands in water for any length of time, it's over. But this has stayed looking nice since I did it on Saturday. AND the picture I'm including in this post is what they look like after I spent an hour with my hands in water while I cleaned the bathroom. They look pristine!
So, I give this two well-manicured thumbs up. I would suggest getting the small kit and if you want to use regular polish, not the strips, buy the individual colors as you need them. Unless the bigger light is really important to you, you can get all the pieces from the big kit (minus the light) as replacement items for cheaper than buying the big kit. So, go with the little one and buy the other pieces separately.

Feeling better

Things have been better recently. Nothing has changed in any significant way but I'm just feeling better on a day to day basis.
Some things have changed, although not massively. I have coworker that I can carpool with now. That helps with the cost of gas and also cuts down on how often I'm alone during the long car rides to and from work, just me and my thoughts. I do most of my ruminating in the car bc it's not like there is much else to do. So cutting down on my alone-with-my-thoughts time has helped, I think.
And it just doesn't hurt so bad anymore. It still hurts. It probably always will at least a little. But it's  not the intense gaping wound it once was. It isn't even as tender as it was a month ago. This kind of wound has to heal from the inside out. It takes awhile for the healing to be visible on the outside, even for me to see it. But it is starting to feel like maybe the healing will be visible soon.
It feels good to feel better. Not 100% but working  my way there.

This is totally a win

So today I was scheduled to start my first jury trial in my new county. And it was against the county attorney, the head honcho of the county prosecution. It was a serious charge . 2nd degree drug sale. My client was looking at 96 months in prison if we lost.

But we had a really good case. Well, actually, the state had a really terrible case. So we were going to trial and I was going to have fun ripping apart a witness and an officer on the stand during cross exam.

So, we arrived this morning to do motions in limine (these are motions each side makes right before trial, asking for certain things to be allowed in the trial or not in. It can make a big difference in what sort of evidence can be presented and how.). I had many. The state had five. But four of those five, if they got them, would severely hamper my ability to attack the witness and would radically change the case. I had to make sure that the state didn't get what they were asking for.

I also had to make sure I got all mine granted, because I wanted to severely limit what the cop was going to be allowed to say. The more I could limit the cop from testifying about things he shouldn't, the stronger my trial arguments would be. So this was an important hearing on these motions.

State went first & made their arguments. I got a chance to respond to their arguments.

Court denied the first state motion. Score! And then, the second. And then the third! And then then fourth!! The fifth wasn't that important so I wasn't concerned with that one. But I was flying high after successfully arguing for the court to deny those four motions. My trial arguments were saved!

Then, my turn. I had seven highly important ones and some boilerplate ones. I started my arguments. State had a chance to respond. Then the court granted my first motion. Then the second. And third. And four, five, and six. He deferred making a ruling on seven for the time being.

Holy balls, I had just swept the hearing! I won on everything! I could hardly contain my excitement. I thought my arguments were good and solid but I didn't expect to get everything. Awesome possum!

So then we took a break for the morning. I met with my client to tell him what had happened, since most people drift off during this portion of their trial because it's lot of legal jargon and lawyers yakking. Then the prosecutor wanted to talk to me.

Turns out that the judge's rulings put a damper on the state's case. A big enough damper that made the state change their offer.

Previous offers were, in order:
51 months in prison (that was the offer for several months)
36 months in prison

Client had rejected both. He didn't want to go to prison.

Today's offer? 1 year in jail with credit for three months already served. Since Minnesota only has you only serve two-thirds of your time, the year becomes 8 months. Minus the 3 he already has done means he would have about 5 months in local jail, close to his family, with work release privileges.

Client ultimately decided to take the offer, since he was risking a conviction on a 96 month charge if we had lost. But the change to 5 months of local jail was enough to sway him.

We didn't try the case, but we didn't have to. The motion hearing sweep was enough to cause the state to change the offer to something my client was happy with.

He thanked me several times, saying I was the best public defender he had ever had and that even if we had gone to trial & lost, he would know that I had done what I could to help him. He said he knew I had been working really hard for him and he was really glad he had me. I had to laugh when he told me that some of his family had asked him if he would be ok with a public defender on his case and he told them that he "loved" his lawyer and that I was "busting my ass" on his case. He said, "My family and I are gonna be sending you a card or something. You did great. Thank you so so so much."

It never ceases to amaze me how much it means to people to have someone in their corner. Even if they are guilty, it always boils down to the same thing: they want to know that someone is on their side and willing to fight for them. All too often, no one has ever stood up and fought for them. And not only to fight for them, but to do it in a public forum, vehemently arguing the case in front of a courtroom full of people. I'm proud to be the person standing next to them and arguing their case against the world. They feel like everyone is out to get them and that they can't win no matter what. And having someone to do the fighting with them and for them means they walk away from the court experience feeling like they got a fair chance and they had their own soldier in the fight.

It was a good day. A trial win would have been nice. But I'm still calling this one a win. Obviously the state was so scared they just chickened out.

Anxiety FTW*!!!

If I have any skills as a lawyer, my best one would be an insane obsession for detail. This is due entirely to my anxiety about looking like an idiot. I obsessively prep & organize, lest I forget something in court w/ everyone watching. Shudder...

This works well for my clients. They think I'm diligent. They don't know I am a hot anxious mess in my head. And this obsessive fear means I pore through the file again and again and again, noticing every detail.

I have caught errors in lab kit numbers. I have gone frame by frame through a video the prosecutor said he wasn't using bc it was "useless." I used it bc I went slowly through each frame. I have spotted tiny inconsistencies & pounded on them @ trial. I am terrified of looking dumb so I make sure I have all my ducks in a row to lessen the possibility of screwing up.

At least for once in my life my extreme anxiety has a good use. Who would have guessed that having social anxiety would make me a better lawyer?

*FTW means "for the win."

This happens literally every morning

Why you should never help police (even when you're innocent)

All too often people willingly give up their rights bc they erroneously believe that those rights only apply to criminals. Let me clarify: they apply to innocent people too and you should guard them jealously. Here is why this is so important...
A. Do not agree to give a DNA sample. Ever. Do not fall for the "rule yourself out" line. If they need to ask for your consent it is likely that they do not have enough to apply for a search warrant. If they do have enough then make them go get one. Think DNA is always correct? Wrong. Those labs are operated by humans who make mistakes. I'm not talking theoretical. Labs have an "unexpected results" log where they keep track of problem results. This includes cross-contamination in the results and sometimes that contamination is the testing scientist's own DNA. This happens more often than people realize. If you give a DNA sample you introduce your DNA into the lab where it may end up mixed with some evidence. And once it's mixed it can't be unmixed. Do not risk it. Make them get a warrant.
B. Crime labs are not perfect. Google "Saint Paul crime lab" for one example of awfulness.
C. Talking to police w/o a lawyer is a bad idea even when you're innocent. Say you were driving your red sedan on Main on Monday by the local Target. You are a white guy with a blue sweatshirt and blond hair. You are stopped by police a day later and they ask where you were on Monday. You did nothing wrong so you tell the police where you were. But you don't know that on Monday a white guy w/ blond hair and a black sweatshirt was reported as robbing the Target of on Main. He drove away in a red car. Oops. Looks like you just made yourself a suspect despite not doing anything. Next thing you know you are in a line-up. Oh and eyewitness identification is really unreliable so you are ID'd by the witness. So don't talk yourself into a bad spot. If police want to talk to you the magic word is "lawyer." Use it.
D. Do not let them search your car, purse, bags, etc. A MN woman was charged w/ drug possession when police found an aspirin in her car. Don't do that to yourself. Again make them get a warrant.
E. If you are in an interrogation room or in a room at the police station you are almost certainly a suspect so don't talk. "Lawyer."
Rights are for everyone. Innocent people should use them and realize they are there to protect them. Do not give them up!

I made this

I made myself a bag for carrying my files to court. I have always had the problem where the straps break off due to carrying many files. So I made a bag with straps that go all the way under the bottom. Then my co worker asked me to make her one. So I did! Hers is a bit more fancy since it has a detachable inside purse/pocket. I'm happy with the way this came out!

My paperback is here!

So cool to see it in print.

And he shall be called Grunter

I had to take Ward to the vet the other day bc he was having some trouble w/ his eye. The vet said he also sounded a little congested as well. While the tech was holding him and the vet was checking him out, Ward started to make a couple soft grunting noises that sounded like he was having trouble breathing.
The vet paused and looked slightly concerned. "Is that a normal noise for him?" she asked  me, listening more intensely to his grunting.
"Yep," I replied, "That's his 'I'm unhappy, stop it, I don't like what you're doing' noise." I hear this often when I have to administer medicine, clean his teeth, or basically make Ward do anything besides take a nap, so I don't really even notice it anymore.
The vet frowned in confusion and said, "He grunts like that when he's unhappy or uncomfortable? Cats aren't normally grunters."
"Well, he is a pretty tame guy," I explained, "He isn't one to ever bite or scratch at all when he doesn't like what is happening. He just grunts like that."
The tech grinned, as she was the one holding Ward in place as the vet poked and prodded and messed around with his eyes and congested little nose, and she would be the one who would most likely end up being bitten or scratched if Ward were to try either of those.  She said, "I'll take a grunting cat any day!"
Then the vet had to take Ward's temp. My grunting cat quickly became my pitiful yowling cat. Still no biting or scratching, but a simple grunt was insufficient to express his unhappiness w/ this procedure. Poor Wardy...
Got some eye drops (and some treats after surviving the temp-taking) and we were on our way home. And since Ward hates car rides, he grunted the whole way home. That's my boy!

Look what's available at Amazon

The paperback version of my book!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1482346966?ie=UTF8&force-full-site=1&ref_=aw_bottom_links
You know you want it.

Um, no.

Every great once in awhile, I will run into a prosecutor who doesn't seem to totally understand how the rules of discovery work in a criminal case. Maybe it's because they don't do criminal work as their main focus?? I don't know? Thankfully, these prosecutors are very rare, and I've only run into them maybe 3 times total my whole legal career, but I always come away thinking to myself, "Um, so, no..." 

Here's the basic situation that I'm talking about. Say, for example, I am representing a client who is charged with violating a harassment restraining order. In the discovery that the prosecutor sends to me, I will find the police reports, a copy of the ticket or the complaint, and maybe a CD that contains the audio recordings of the interviews with the involved people. What I will not have is a copy of the actual harassment restraining order. Which is kind of an important thing in a case where supposedly my guy violated that order. 

When we get to court, I'll either move to dismiss for lack of probable cause (because, helloooo, the state has not provided any evidence of an actual harassment restraining order being in existence) or move to compel discovery of the order. It depends on what stage of the proceedings we're in. Keep in mind, by this time, I will have already asked for all the relevant discovery in a letter that was sent to the prosecutor's office. 

The response from the prosecutor will be that the harassment restraining order is available in the court file and that it is available to me so I need to go to the court administrator's office and get a copy for myself and my client. But, that's not the way it's supposed to work. 

See, as the defense attorney, I'm not supposed to go out finding things that hurt my client's case. And if I know of the existence of information that will hurt my client and/or the case, I'm supposed to keep my damn mouth shut--that's that whole "attorney-client privilege" thing. People don't really love that whole idea that a client can tell me, "Hey, I killed like 62 people and I've got all their bodies buried under my front porch!" and I have to take that shit to the grave with me, but that's the way the whole thing works*. So while the order is accessible to me if I went to the court admin office and asked for it, that's the exact opposite of what I should be doing for my client. So, no, I'm not going to go get it. 

I'm the defense. I don't have to prove anything. I can sit on my butt during a trial and do absolutely nothing if I want. That would likely not be the best trial strategy, but technically, I could. You, dear prosecutor, have the burden of proving my client broke the law. In this hypothetical example, that means you have to prove that there was a valid order in existence and the rules of evidence require that you present at trial a certified copy of said order. And the rules of criminal procedure require that if you're planning on using some sort of evidence at trial, you have to disclose it to the defense attorney before trial. Which means, you, as the prosecutor, must get a copy of the order from court admin yourself and you must have your staff make a copy of that order and then you must have it sent to me as the defense attorney.  You are not allowed to just tell me to go get it myself. Well, I suppose you could, but I would then object to that evidence coming in at trial because you failed to properly disclose it, and then you would likely end up losing the trial because you don't have the evidence you need to prove that the order ever existed. 

So, please, don't tell me that I can or should get it myself from court admin or ask me, "What? Do you need me to send you a copy of this?" or something else along those lines. It's really your call, but if you plan on using it against my client, you can't unless you're going to disclose it.  



*Fun fact: if the person told me they had 62 alive people in their basement that they were planning on killing at some point in time, I would then have the option of reporting that to police and breaking attorney-client privilege in order to prevent substantial bodily harm or death to those people, but I'm not required to do so.  It would be my choice if I wanted to tell the police. However, if the people are already dead, then they can't suffer any substantial bodily harm or death, so the damage is already done and I am not allowed to ever say anything to anyone. Crazy, huh? 

Life updates

Things are definitely in a state of flux. The management at work is completely changing. Big Apple retired, Chief starts a new job on March 1st and Golf is the new interim manager. So, that is a whole lot of change at work. It sounds like Chief's position won't be filled until May.
Also at work: many contested hearings. I had a lot of those in my old county but it looks like I'm on pace to have even more in my new county. Which is exhausting. So many briefs to write. So many motions to file. ugh.
My step-dad's condition has gone from crappy to extra-crappy. As if the clot in his femoral artery and the pulmonary embolism weren't bad enough, he then had his lung fill up with fluid, which required surgery on Monday. They cleaned it all out and he was recovering in the hospital when he took a turn for the worse by Friday and was bleeding internally. They went back in and found a torn artery. I'm not even sure how that happens.
I started writing my next book. It won't be done for awhile, but the title is "Depression-Flavored Mouthwash."
That's all for now.

Today's the day!

My book is available now as a paperback! Woohoo!

It's available for order now at: https://www.createspace.com/4157616

In about a week, it will also be available on Amazon.com.  

So cool! 

Well, now I feel kind of cool

Amazon sent me a tax document that looks like a W-2. Except instead of "wages" it said "royalties."
Royalties!!
That feels kind of neat to see that.
Which reminds me...if you wanted to read my book but didn't have a kindle and/or don't like to read on tablets or phones or whatever and/or you just prefer to have a real, actual book, you'll be glad to know that my book will soon be available as a paperback.
And I'm working on my next book.

This is weird

This is a real picture I took as I was walking back from the courthouse to my office.  I don't even understand what this is.  I've named it "Flamingo Graveyard" because apparently it's where plastic lawn flamingos go to die.  It's also the side of a church, so a graveyard seems fitting. 

Seriously.  What is going on?

I like my job on days like today

I have a client who needs absolutely needs an advocate. And a lot of help in all areas of their life, not just the criminal charges.
I spent just over an hour in the prosecutor's office this afternoon, working on a deal. We were able to agree on a deal that will keep my client out of prison and help them with getting on a better path in the future.
I like being able to use my awesome powers of persuasion to work out great resolutions for my clients' cases. Of course, my "powers of persuasion" sometimes just constists of me whining a lot and wheedling the prosecutors until they relent just to shut me up. But hey, whatever works, right?
Days like today make me feel good.

WINNING! (as Charlie Sheen would say)

Got an order on two of my cases today--dismissed for lack of probable cause on both.

I love that word--"dismissed."  It's like a fancy way of saying, "You win, Defense." I love winning. It doesn't happen all that often on the defense side of things, so it's magical when it does. 

Weeee!!  Good way to start my week. 

Sludge

So, you know that saying "Into each life some rain must fall?"  I think I'm the reverse of that--into my life some sunshine must fall.
The saying implies that life is generally happy but that some bad things inevitably must occur. But with me, it's the opposite. Life is generally crappy but inevitably some good things happen. But good things are the exception, not the rule.
I used to find some comfort in church and my crazy meds, but lately those don't seem to be doing much for me. I'm able to laugh and joke and have fun at times, but it's just a temporary distraction. I'm quickly back to feeling like I'm treading through sludge, barely able to do much beyond the absolutely needed tasks.

The past comes back again

I've been dismarried for over two weeks now (has it really been that long??). He and I had a brief email exchange a few days after it became final, which consisted of me telling him he did not need to pretend to want to talk to me anymore since the divorce was completed. I assumed he was being friendly so I didn't try to exact revenge in the divorce (which made me upset because I had been very gracious, all things considered) and told him he could stop now. He responded that he had talked to me bc he wanted to, not out of concern of being screwed in the divorce.

I'm not sure what this says about my life

The two biggest high points of my day today were managing to pull off wearing a cardigan instead of a suitcoat in court this morning and having the gas pump stop on $32.00 even without even trying.

I'm not even going to deny it

I freaking love "Thrift Shop" by Macklamore.
I find it awesome to hear a rap about shopping at Goodwill, since most rappers talk about how rich they are and how much bling they have.

For everything there is a season (but that doesn't mean I have to like it)

They say the only thing constant in life is change. For me, that is problematic. I'm not a big fan of change.

I wouldn't say I hate change. I don't hate change in general. I hate change I have no say in, change that I can't control, change that is thrust upon me with no warning and without my input in it. Change that I am choosing is fine. I'm a control freak and I hate not feeling in control.

Everything seems to be in transition lately. I'm not happy with it. I don't have time to adjust to one change before another comes along. I will be the first to admit I am a huge baby and I usually have to be dragged through change, kicking and screaming. And when they continually come one after another, I get cranky. And unhappy.

Too many changes at once make me feel stressed and anxious and crabby. I just got dismarried (a term recently suggested by a reader as an alternative to "divorced" since I can't bring myself to say it) and I'm trying to deal with that without constantly turning into a bawling mess, I'm trying to adjust to being moved to a new county and a new court, and there are even more changes coming at work. I'm left w/ very few things that aren't in some sort of transition.

This means I'm one cranky, crabby, unhappy, miserable girl. I can't seem to get my bearings on one aspect of my life before something else shifts. I don't like it. I don't enjoy constantly feeling like things are out of my control and I have no ability to do anything but keep my head down and try to make it through.

Basically, I'm an enormous ball of unhappiness right now. Moreso than usual.

Well that's good to know

Let's say you are mad and decide to choke/strangle someone. Not enough to cause them to black out or suffer any substantial bodily harm. Just a good ol' choking to let out your frustrations with them. And in this scenario, you are in Minnesota.
If you choke a "household or family member" (meaning anyone who you live with, have a kid with, are married to, had a significant sexual or romantic relationship with, etc.) then you will be charged w/ Felony Domestic Assault by Strangulation.
If you choke a stranger, your annoying co-worker, your kid's teacher, your friend, or anyone who isn't a family or household member, you will be charged w/ a Misdemeanor Fifth Degree Assault.
That misdemeanor could be knocked down to a disorderly conduct if it's a first offense. That's pretty much nothing.
So, the lesson here is only strangle friends, co-workers, or total strangers.
Thanks, silly Minnesota laws!

I'm old

I used to wear high heels all the time. In college, I used to go dancing in pointy-toe stiletto heels every weekend with no problem.
Yesterday I wore a round toe short heel to work. By the time I got home, I could barely walk because my feet hurt.
Sigh...

I'm unvarnished and people hate that

Now that I'm not married ( I still have trouble saying "I'm divorced.") people keep saying things like, "Now you can decide who you're going to be from this point on." Or things to that effect. My bishop (for you non-Mormons, the bishop is like a pastor of the local congregation) asked me what Version 3.0 of myself is going to be.
I find this confusing. I wasn't a vastly different person while married. I was certainly happier, but I didn't become a whole new person.
The other wrinkle in this is that everyone also keeps telling me not to let this make me bitter or cynical or pessimistic. Which makes me want to ask, "Have you met me before?" Those are kind of my key characteristics. They are the reason I have such charm (har har har).

It's safe to say most women would not appreciate this...

I find the most disturbing part of this story that, not only did this lawyer have sex with his client, he then BILLED her for it! Insanity...
http://m.twincities.com/twincities/db_39164/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=DOPbyP8h

Extra fun

I'm sick. How awesome. Spent all weekend feeling both emotionally and physically crappy. Had to miss a baby shower and birthday party on Saturday. Missing work today.
My life is a ball of fun.
Okay, back to bed. Hopefully sleep and orange juice will improve things.

At least I haven't lost my biting sarcasm

Text conversation with my friend:
Me: I'm so depressed. I wish I were dead so I could have some of those rewards in the next life (I'm not suicidal. I would not hurt or kill myself. This was a reference to an earlier conversation we had had, discussing how it is often discussed at church when going through hard times, to remember that there well be rewards in the next life, which I always thought sounded like an incentive for people to commit suicide. No need to be concerned.)
Friend: Will you stop taking like that? You're freaking me out. You're not looking at your clue board as a game plan are you? (She missed the reference, I guess.)
Me: Don't worry. I'd never kill myself. Ward and Hubert would run out of food and then eat my corpse and that is too creepy for words.
Yes folks, even in the midst of great sadness, my inner smart-ass still survives and cracks dark-humored jokes.

The Way Things Are

This was not how I wanted things to go. But very rarely does life ever give me what I want. In fact, usually if I want it, it either won't happen or it gets taken away. That is the way things have often seemed to go.
The finality at least means it's over now, although not the way I wanted. The uncertainty was painful. Having an end is also painful. But pain is something I'm very familiar with. I'm not sure I know what it is like to live without pain.
This has left me with scars, with wounds that will stop hurting so bad but will never heal. People tell me I'll meet someone else, but I won't. Because I won't ever open my heart again. I refuse to allow this to happen again and this experience has shown me that no matter how much you think you know someone, you don't. No one can be trusted enough to give my heart away again.
In my life, ever since I was a child, people have left me. Family has been an elusive concept. I have always worried I would never find a stable family; now I know that is true. No one stays, so I see no reason to form relationships with the expectation of longevity. For me, it's not a reality.
No man is an island, but I'm pretty close.

Well, it's official

As of today, I'm no longer married.
Damn, that still hurts like a bitch even though I knew it was coming.

Oh Law & Order: SVU, you're so silly

I love L&O:SVU but sometimes they are so off-base it's silly. This particular episode is ridiculously full of errors it's insanity.
1. Judge sustained an objection for leading on cross-exam. In real life, leading questions are the whole point of cross-exam.
2. Just as the judge in criminal court was about to accept a plea bargain, a lawyer who represented the victim walked in and handed the judge a restraining order from civil court barring the judge from accepting the plea and ordering all the criminal court parties (including the judge) to appear in civil court the next day. Say whaaaaaaaaa? That makes zero sense! For one, it would be an injunction, not a restraining order, or possibly a writ of prohibition, but not a restraining order. For two, what the what? A judge who isn't a higher court judge ordering another judge how to do their job? Not happening.
Oh, silly script writers...maybe ask a lawyer about stuff...

Relaxing in bliss

I'm going to be sad going back to work next week. I've so enjoyed my relaxation vacation. Sewing, reading, doing projects... I'm so blissfully relaxed. And I've absolutely loved the daily afternoon nap I've been able to have. I sometimes forget how much I love naps.
Oh yeah, and I'm going to make banana bread.
I love vacations.

2013

i am typing this on my kindle so we shall see how this works out...could be rather interesting...

So it's 2013 now. 2012 had a lot of crap moment in it. and by moments i mean months. But whatev. It is finally over and I have high hopes for this new year. Things can only get better, right? I sure hope so.

I am still on vacation this week. It has been super relaxing. i have been able to finally sew a skirt i have been wanting to sew forever and now i am making myself a new court bag. I have been able to get some household projects finished after living here for like six months. And i have been abl to spend lots of time napping with my kitties. If you ask them, that is the most important thing I have done. If i can finish my court bag in time I would like to start on another project while I have the time. I love sewing but I am still slow at it so it takes me awhile. but I love it!

Ok Hubert is getting all up in my face so it is time to go.

Sometimes "justice" doesn't feel very just...

http://m.twincities.com/twincities/db_39829/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=jnn2OvWr
I think this is completely unnecessary. If you don't want to click the link, the nutshell version is that a 4 year old got his hands on an improperly stored and loaded gun and accidentally shot and killed his two year old brother. Now the state has charged the father w/manslaughter and endangering a child, both felonies, because the father didn't store his guns properly (he apparently had a small arsenal of guns in the home).
Yes, I get it: he should have stored the guns in a safe way so the children could not have accessed them. If he had, the child would still be alive. But, I'm sure he already knows that, seeing as how he has lost his son. I'm sure that he is struggling w/ unimaginable grief and pain and, yes, even guilt and regret. He is paying for his bad decisions in the most excruciating way possible, by burying his tiny son. How does charging this man do any good?
He is now looking at two felonies, including prison time, despite never having any previous criminal convictions. He is dealing with the loss of his son, he and his family are reeling from this tragedy, and now he and his family have to deal with the stress and strain of criminal charges.
Why do this? It doesn't bring the child back. Assuming he and his wife are still together, it won't help the victim's family feel closure but will only further tear the family apart if he is sent to prison. I doubt it will "correct" any "criminal" behavior in this guy, since it doesn't appear he has criminal predilections (given his lack of criminal history) but rather lacks judgment skills. And I would guess that he won't ever store his guns in this manner again. So what purpose does charging him serve? Prosecutors have  the power and ability to use discretion in charging cases. Maybe as a defense attorney, I'm missing something that a prosecutor would see that puts a different light on this. But I just don't get why some prosecutorial discretion wasn't used to say, "You know what? He is going to be paying for his decisions for the rest of his life. Criminal charges won't correct, cure, vindicate, or help this situation one bit."
Like I said, maybe I'm not seeing something. But putting aside my "lawyer" hat and viewing this simply as a regular person with a heart, I still don't get it.

How to understand Minnesotans

We don't like to brag or complain, so we keep it neutral. In case you are in the area for the holidays and need to know what is going on, here is a quick one-question guide.
Question: "How are you?"
Answers:
"Not too bad" = everything is going okay, no concerns
"I'm doing okay" = meh, things could be better
"Hanging in there" = things are really bad right now
"Pretty good" = really great
"Really good" = just won the lottery

Merry Christmas!

Hope all your holidays are filled with naps, kitties, family, food, joy, happiness, peace, and everything else you are dreaming of this season.
Xoxo,
PDgirl, Hubert, and Ward

PD life.

We have a new PD at the office. I was very sad that my office bestie didn't get the job, bc she is remarkably awesome and hilarious and I love having her around. But the newest addition to our office family is also very nice and friendly. She is a new attorney, fresh out of law school, and around my age. Plus, she actually drives right by my place on her drive into work, so we have been able to carpool a couple days of the week the last couple weeks. My gas tank and my wallet are very happy with this. Maybe I won't have to pay for gas with quarters now. Yes!

I've got my year-end recharge vacay coming up very soon. Only have the rest of the week and then I'm off. There will be lots of sleeping in, visiting family and friends, relaxing, and doing things I never make time for, like sewing and drawing. I'm really looking forward to it. Sometimes I just need to let my brain relax and watch bad reality tv for awhile to refresh and avoid getting burnt out. This job can be mentally exhausting. Dealing with bad situations, terrible things at times, and difficult clients can take a lot out of you. I love my job, but sometimes I need to take a break from all the seriousness and not be immersed in crime all day.

Oh, and Ward has become a total whiny cling-on lately, meowing and crying if I'm not immediately nearby him. So, I'll have to spend some time with the kitties too. Whiners...

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I'm being transferred at work to a different county than the one I've been in for the last 2 years. I'm actually pretty sad about the move.  I like the county that I work in and I'm sad that I will have to change. Plus, I hate change with a passion. I hate having to meet new people and I hate having to be in new situations where I don't know what's expected... Every court has its own idiosyncrasies and I hate not knowing what those are when I am in court.  After you've been in court for awhile in a certain area, you get used to what to expect and what the judges are like and how things operate...but, I'm going to be tossed into a new environment and have to learn this new court's processes.  Sigh... Plus, I have to say goodbye to all the awesome people at my current county!  That makes me sad, too.  A couple of the court clerks have asked me if it is true I'm moving and said that they hoped I'd be back soon because they liked having me there.  That was really nice to hear.  And I'll miss the prosecutors, too, since I genuinely like and get along w/ all of them.  I'd consider them all friends, so I am sad to have to leave.

I don't think that is what that word means...

Police report: "I observed latent footprints throughout the scene which had a distinctive tread pattern."

Latent: present but not visible, apparent, or actualized

Oops.

Overheard

While sitting in the hall lobby of church, I overheard the following conversation between a dad and his two year old daughter.
Daughter: I wanna go in the hall.
Dad: We are in the hall.
Daughter: But I wanna go in the hall.
Dad: I know. We are in the hall.
Daughter: Can we go in the hall? I wanna be in the hall.
Dad: (sigh) We are already in the hall. See? We are already here. We're in the hall. Right now, we are in the hall.
Daughter: Can we go in the hall?
Dad: (sigh, no response)
Daughter: (very excited) We're in the hall!!!
Dad: I know, that's what I've been saying...
Daughter: Daddy, do you know what? We're in the hall.
Bwahaha!! Kids are hilarious sometimes. A conversation between an adult and a two year old is delightful to overhear.

Sounds about right

A prosecutor today said to me that he was only going to call people by their last name and then starting calling anyone around him by their last name. (He was in a silly mood). So, I immediately informed if that was the new thing he was doing, I was changing my last name to Murderawesome.

Oh you fancy, huh?

After a little more than 3 1/2 years, I've changed offices. I got to  take an office that is slightly bigger office than my old office AND my new office has windows! I'm liking it. Moving my stuff sucked, but whatev. I'm big time now, with my windows.  Baller, baby!

Here is what I did this weekend

So, my step-dad went back in the hospital again and then back out. It's an ongoing debacle with his health right now. Blood too thick, then too thin, clots, pneumonia, necrotic section of his lung...it's a mess. But he is hanging on, so that is good. But he looks terrible. He is definitely struggling.
Other than that, Thanksgiving went well. It was small, just me and my mom, step-dad, my brothers, and a couple other people. But it was laid back, which was nice. I went over to my mom's place the night before and had a nervous-then-later-funny experience.
When I got to the house, the radio in the kitchen was on and it looked like Mom was in the middle of making something, but she wasn't there. I asked my brother where she was and he said she went to the store. But her car was still in the driveway, so I called her cell to find out where she was at and how long she would be. Then her phone rang in the kitchen. I went into the kitchen again and realized her cell phone, her purse, her wallet and her keys were all still on the kitchen table. So, at this point, I was getting concerned. I went outside and noticed there were wet tire tracks in the driveway. Out of an abundance of caution, I used my cell phone camera to take pictures of the tracks (and no, they weren't mine...I parked on the street).  I figured it couldn't hurt to have pics since they would eventually evaporate.
Turns out my mom had cash and had walked (in the dark) to the store. She made fun of me for taking pics but I reminded her that if something HAD happened to her, she should be glad I'd taken them. She kept calling me CSI all night. I told her it was her fault for leaving and making it look like an episode of Forensic Files.
So that is our funny story for this holiday season.

Actual conversation

Me: Just because they have a biological specimen doesn't mean that they can pull a useable DNA sample from it.
Other attorney: Really? I didn't know that. Where did you learn that?
Me: CSI.

At some point, I should think about looking into this concept of growing up

My step dad is out of the hospital. They were able to shrink the massive clot in his lung enough for him to be released. He is still really fragile, weak, and very ill, but no longer on the verge of death. The icu dr said if he had waited even one more day, the clot would have moved to his heart and likely killed him. It moved that way while he was in the icu but they were able to do something about it. Had he not been there, it would have been a different situation.
Still not divorced yet. We have talked about the last of the details so I'm expecting to get the papers every day that I open my mailbox but so far, nothing. So, I'm still waiting on that.
As usual, I once again was the epitome of maturity as I waited in the courtroom for my turn and listened to the prosecutor give an offer of the facts the state would intend to prove at trial. It was a case where apparently a witness statement included the term "pee pee" and as a result, the prosecutor repeatedly had to say "pee pee." There was something too hilarious about a 48 year old man who is extremely intelligent and very professional saying "pee pee" over and over again. I had a serious case of the church giggles over it. After the hearing was done, I said to him, "Hehehe, I heard you say 'pee pee.' Hehehe." To which he grinned and replied, "I know!" So there you go...your public defender may be silently holding in her giggling at the most immature and ridiculous things. You just never know. Can you believe they gave me a law degree? Ahahaha, I'm hearing him say "pee pee" in my head as I'm writing this and it's making me giggle again.
Other than that, everything is pretty much the same sh*t, different day. Just me, Ward, and dumb baby Hubert doing what we do, living the thug life.
Which of course means watching Sister Wives and taking a nap. Because seriously...wtf, Sister Wives? W.T.F.?

Stupid Dumb Baby

Hubert has decided that his new favorite thing to do is to sneak into the bathroom, pull the tampon wrappers out of the garbage and run around the house with them.
Sigh...
I suppose I should be glad that it's only the wrappers and not anying else. But it's still annoying to find tampon wrappers all over the house.
Stupid dumb baby cat.

Funny work moment

Today was my office day. I spent the morning watching interrogation videos on a couple of cases. My co-worker came in during two different videos. The second time he came in, he asked, "So, are you just going to sit in here and watch movies all day?"

Bwahaha!

Knock it off any time, Universe

So my step-dad is in the ICU now. He has massive blood clots in his femoral artery and his lung. The one in his lung has started moving towards his heart. I'm hoping he will be okay.
I'm officially at my end point. I cannot handle one more emotional or stressful event. I'm about ready to just give up on everything. My practical side won't let me not work or pay rent, etc. but I'm basically turning into a robot. I've started to resign myself to the fact that I will never be truly happy and I'm simply going through the motions, waiting to die one day. My brain and emotions can't handle anything more.

Just call me Little Miss Sunshine

So I think that knowing that feeling mildly unhappy each day is not normal actually makes me feel more unhappy, if that is possible. It's like when you're a kid and you don't know you've got some cut or scrape till someone asks about it and then it suddenly starts hurting now that you are aware of it.
Now it's like, "Great, everyone else is feeling happy and content, not mildly unhappy like I always thought. That is not fair. Why can't I feel like that? Oh right, the depression. Well, that's not fair, either." (Insert grumpy sigh here).
Apparently, atypical depression responds well to MAOIs. They apparently have the best success for treating it. And they can't be mixed with pretty much every other med I'm on. So that is fun.
So in sum, I'm a barrel of sunshine lately.

Friend is a Four-Letter Word

To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four-letter word
End is the only part of the word
That I heard
Call me morbid or absurd
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four-letter word.
To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four-letter word
End is the only part of the word
That I heard
Call me morbid or absurd
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four-letter word.
When I go fishing
For the words
I am wishing
You would say to me
I'm really only praying
That the words you'll soon be saying
Might betray
The way
You feel about me.
To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four-letter word
End is the only part of the word
That I heard
Call me morbid or absurd
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four-letter word.
- Friend is a Four-Letter Word by Cake

Well, balls...and here I thought that was just my personality

My counselor mentioned that he thought I might have dysthymia.  I didn't know exactly what that was, so I was looking it up after my last appointment.  It didn't sound like a really great fit for my situation, since I'm not always unhappy.  In fact, I'm perfectly capable of having a good time if there's something enjoyable going on around me.  I'm not incapable of having fun or laughing or having good days.  It's just that most of the time, I don't see what there is to get all excited about on a day to day basis.  I mean, let's be honest--life kind of sucks hard more often than not.  So, why would I get up every day and be all chipper and excited for the day when I'm going to just get up, go to work, go home, and repeat?  It's not like that's super awesome or something.  It just is what it is.  

But apparently, that's not normal.  Well, that's news to me...I thought I was just as normal as everyone else.  Sure, I'm aware I'm more cynical than most people, but I always assumed that is because I'm not delusional.  I didn't know that my opinion that most days are boring, uneventful, and sucky was not a routine feeling.  I guess it was enough to make my therapist think I might have dysthymia.  But, again, that didn't sound like a totally accurate fit for me.

And then I ran into this:

Yay!

Obama wins!
Now just waiting to see about the marriage amendment and voter ID amendment.

Short & sweet

I'm going to see Flight tonight. It looks awesome. And Denzel is pretty good looking.
YKW and I have a phone conference on Monday to discuss the incorrect divorce papers. I'm assuming that we will finally get everything corrected and then he can submit the corrections to his lawyer. And then hopefully this whole nightmare can finally be over. I just want to be done. I don't have enough energy anymore and I just want there to be some end to this horrible holding pattern I've been in for more than a year. I don't want to be divorced anymore than I want to be kicked in the head, but if it has to happen, I'd rather get it over with quickly. I don't want to keep waiting for the painful event.
I want a nap.
That is all.

Awesome

Not guilty.
My two favorite words.

Trial machine

Friday: win award for most jury trials in 2012.
Tuesday: start jury trial

Okay, seriously...

Ugh...so, my book is on sale for free through today, apparently. Because when Amazon said Oct. 27 & 28, it really meant Oct. 28 & 29. Glad that is cleared up.

So, in bonus news, if you still want to get a copy, it's still on sale for free through today!

Ugh...

Amazon lied and said my book would be free this weekend but apparently it's not...sorry about that. Stupid technology...

My book is FREE this weekend only!

Still need to get your copy of my book, "They Call Me Ninja Fireballs?"  Well, this weekend there's a free promotion and you can get your very own copy for the low, low price of FREE!  So, snatch it while you can, because the promotion starts Saturday and ends Sunday. 

Awwww, yeah!!!

And now, here's this stuff

I got the "corrected" divorce paperwork today.  Guess what?  Still not correct.  Including--once again--my name.  Even after notifying YKW's attorney that there were errors, there are still errors.  This is never going to be over...ugggghhhhh...  Again, this just continues to drag on and on and on and on...can it just be over?!?!  I just want this to be over... 

gross

So apparently, cats fart.

I've recently learned this fun fact because Hubert has suddenly started to reek.  I switched food for the cats recently since my mom had a ton that her cat wouldn't eat, so she gave it to me to see if my cats would eat it.  And they have been. They seem to like it. And it was free, so bonus!

Except that now Hubert keeps dropping these horrible stink bombs every day. He'll curl up next to me in bed, purring and being all cute and tiny and baby-like (since he is only about 5 months old now), and then suddenly it will smell like death. They are totally silent but they are the worst thing I've ever smelled. I had no idea cats farted. But holy crap, it's terrible.

So, whatever brand of food this is, we are not using this again. Otherwise I might die from the stench.

That takes a bit of the sting of losing out

I had a contested hearing today. My staff and I worked pretty hard on it (which means my staff did like 98% of the work and then handed all of it to me so I look like I'm on my game in court...man, I freaking LOVE support staff!). But, we didn't win. And of course, that's always at least a little disappointing. It's disappointing even when you know you've haven't got a snowball's chance in hell. Because there is always that tiny part of you that thinks, "Well, maybe..."  I've heard it referred to as trial delusion, since it happens a lot during trial. But I digress...
At any rate, so lost the hearing, which was disappointing, of course. But, my client wanted to talk after the hearing so I met w/ him, thinking he had questions or something. Nope, he just wanted to tell me thank you. And thank you to my staff. He said he knew we had worked hard on the hearing and he was really grateful for the effort we put into it.
Losing sucks, of course, but nothing makes me feel like the work I do matters than when someone says thank you. Especially when we don't get the result that we were hoping for. Because it's easy to be thankful for the attorney who gets the outcome you are hoping for, but it isn't always easy to be pleased when you don't get the result you wanted. So, when clients who don't get the outcome we were aiming for tell me thank you, it means a hell of a lot. And it feels good to give a voice to someone who otherwise may not have one.
And, even the judge said during the hearing (twice!) that I had done a nice job and that I had made compelling arguments. So even though we didn't win, my client felt well-represented and the court acknowledged the work that was put into building my argument. It's nice to know that whether I'm winning or losing, others around me notice when I do good work. It's really stuff like that that makes this job rewarding. Win or lose, I always hope my clients feel like there was someone there to fight for them and to put effort into helping them. And I hope that others recognize the time and effort I put into my cases, trying to be the best advocate I can be and learning how to be a smart and prepared attorney.
It's amazing how much a simple "thank you" can really touch my heart. Especially when it is coming from a client who didn't get the outcome we had hoped for. It takes a bit of the sting out of losing.

Delicious chicken salad

I love this recipe so I am going to share it/have it somewhere that I can find it again. Don't ask me for specific quantities or measurements...this is a recipe that Hat showed me/used to make for me and he never uses measurements.

One can of chicken breast (I use the canned chicken because I'm lazy. You can use chicken that you cook and shred if you want)
1/3 cup mayo
1/3 cup plain yogurt
Chopped green onions
Finely shredded white cheese
Lemon juice-a couple squeezes
Salt
Pepper
Curry seasoning
Old Bay seasoning
Craisins
Cashews

Combine chicken, mayo, and yogurt. Mix well. Add in onions and mix well. Add salt, pepper, and seasonings and mix all together (add this stuff till it tastes good to you). Add the cheese and craisins and mix together. Do not add in the cashews-they will get soggy and gross within a day. Spread the salad on the bread and add a layer of cashews on top before adding the second slice of bread. Tada!

It tastes delicious the first day and even better after the first day when the flavors have time to meld. Mmmmmmmm...

Damn Science...stay out of my job!

During a training today, we discussed forensic science and the need for us, as lawyers, to learn how to understand it.

Damnit! I became a lawyer because I suck at math and science and I have no head for those subjects.  I don't want to have to know science!  I just wanna stand around a courtroom and say, "blah blah blah blah, lawyer-things, big words, big words, yakity yak yak." Now I'm supposed to know science?!

Science, stay in your own field. Quit making me have to learn you!

Double digits!

To date, twelve copies of my book have sold. I'm pretty excited about that. And it's not just people I know, so that is extra cool. I expected like my mom to buy it and that would be it. I didn't expect people to buy it. I just wanted to accomplish something. But people buying it is very exciting!

People I do know say it's really funny. I'm glad to know people think it's funny bc I was worried that it would only be funny to me. It's rather hard to know for sure if what you're writing reads as funny as intended. So I was nervous. But so far, it seems like I did ok.

Proposed change in the laws

I have a pet peeve about current laws re: restraining orders.  If someone has a  restraining order against you, say your former lover who you still have feelings for, you are barred from any interaction w/ them.  Even if they decide they miss you and so they drop in at your home or give you a call. 

The common scenario I run into is a cranky person who abuses the order by only calling police to report a violation when they aren't getting their way in the relationship. They lie and say they had the order dropped or they lull the other person into a false sense of security that they won't report violations since they want contact.

I have even seen cases where the person with the order was calling the guy, inviting him over, and sleeping with him! But when he biked by and waved to her, THEN she called the police. Dumb!

So here is my proposed change to the law. A restraining order implies that someone doesn't want to interact with the other person. So how about the law include an affirmative defense that they initiated contact and thus nullified the order? That way, people who really need the protection, who don't want any contact, are protected still but the law can't be used as a tool for a disgruntled mate.

Just saying.

I know what you're really asking...

"How long have you been practicing?" = "Are you  even old enough to be my lawyer?"

My book is published and ready for the world

Here it is.

My book is done!

My book is officially finished!!

It's currently being reviewed for formatting, etc. by Amazon.com and then it will be available for purchase in approximately 12 hours.  

Nothing more to say

The divorce papers came in the mail.