Monday, January 21, 2013

For everything there is a season (but that doesn't mean I have to like it)

They say the only thing constant in life is change. For me, that is problematic. I'm not a big fan of change.

I wouldn't say I hate change. I don't hate change in general. I hate change I have no say in, change that I can't control, change that is thrust upon me with no warning and without my input in it. Change that I am choosing is fine. I'm a control freak and I hate not feeling in control.

Everything seems to be in transition lately. I'm not happy with it. I don't have time to adjust to one change before another comes along. I will be the first to admit I am a huge baby and I usually have to be dragged through change, kicking and screaming. And when they continually come one after another, I get cranky. And unhappy.

Too many changes at once make me feel stressed and anxious and crabby. I just got dismarried (a term recently suggested by a reader as an alternative to "divorced" since I can't bring myself to say it) and I'm trying to deal with that without constantly turning into a bawling mess, I'm trying to adjust to being moved to a new county and a new court, and there are even more changes coming at work. I'm left w/ very few things that aren't in some sort of transition.

This means I'm one cranky, crabby, unhappy, miserable girl. I can't seem to get my bearings on one aspect of my life before something else shifts. I don't like it. I don't enjoy constantly feeling like things are out of my control and I have no ability to do anything but keep my head down and try to make it through.

Basically, I'm an enormous ball of unhappiness right now. Moreso than usual.

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