Saturday, March 25, 2017

I've come a long way in 8 years

On Monday I start what is definitely the biggest trial of my 8 year career as a practicing attorney. I've had high stakes cases before, of course. You can't be a public defender who primarily handles felony cases for 6.5 years without having taken some high stakes cases to trial.. Well maybe you can, but it's pretty unlikely. At any rate, this one is the highest stakes one I have tried.

I'm lead counsel on it, too, which is still strange to me that I've been doing this work long enough to be lead counsel on something. But I am. I typically see it more as "co-counsel" than lead, but technically, I'm lead. My co-counsel is great to work with, super helpful, & makes it a lot less stressful. It's a high stress case bc of the high stakes.

Co-counsel & I have been working hard to get everything ready. I think we are as prepared as anyone could possibly be. We have worked our asses off so far & will continue to throughout the trial. There is nothing that we could have done but didn't. We have poured ourselves into the case.

I'm nervous, of course, as I always am for any trial. But I feel good about our case & I feel ready. Just have to hope that the hard work pays off with a not guilty in the end. Trial is blocked for 2-3 we've got awhile before we will know.

I love something my co-counsel said. He said, "It's a pretty cool system we have when the government pays for lawyers to fight against it in court."

I couldn't agree more.

Thursday, March 09, 2017

Hi, have we met before?

Apparently I'm too negative at work & it's bringing everyone down, or so says one of my co-workers. It's "toxic" & "needs to stop."

I feel like no matter what I do, I can't win. I'm supposed to "be myself" & open up to people, try to break through some of the steely defenses I have in place that keeps me from opening up to people. When I do, I am "too negative" & "toxic." Well, that's who I am! Being cynical & inclined to pessimism is my personality. It is a large reason why I'm also funny & witty, bc being funny is how I cope with it.

And I get that that means I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. That's fine. I don't expect to be. I don't expect everyone to like me. I am not that concerned when people don't like me. I know I'm an acquired taste.

But it does bother me when people who are supposed to be my friends tell me that parts of my personality is a problem. Then why be friends with me?