Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Brb, have to throw up

Soooo this date is less than 24 hours away & I am starting to get the panic dry heaves. The socially anxious part of my brain is trying to figure out if there is a way I can cancel politely (don't worry, I am not actually going to cancel...I have enough control over my anxiety not to do that) while also imagining all the terrible ways I can totally embarrass myself. So, that's fun!

Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited & I say yes bc it's obvious that they are excited for me. I appreciate their excitement because I have very little excitement of my own. Not because of anything in particular that is killing my excitement...just because I am...well, I am me. I make awkward people wonder why I am so awkward. I like me but I also know that not everyone feels that way. And some people take a while to warm up to me. So, mostly I am not excited because I am too busy worrying about the possibilities that he won't like me.

Or worse, what if he does?! What if he wants to go out consistently? My poor little emotionally destroyed heart couldn't handle that much pressure.

Basically I anticipate that whether it goes well or it goes badly, I will end up in the fetal position on my couch barfing from nerves.


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