Wednesday, January 04, 2012

In full vacation mode

Ok, so it's been a bit since I've been able to post anything, thanks to the fact that YKW came and took the computer out of the house.  That means I'm generally limited to posting from my phone, which gets a little tiring after awhile because the screen is so tiny.  But, occasionally, I can get in front of a real screen and a real computer, such as now.  So, I can finally blog on a normal sized keyboard!

So, it's 2012--whoooaaa!!  Crazy huh?  I can't believe that it's already 2012.  Clearly, 2011 sucked big time.  So, I'm hoping that 2012 will suck a whole lot less.  If not, I'm going to be pretty angry with 2012.  I might have to ground it if it doesn't deliver something awesome. 

So far, 2012 has been filled with naps, TV, and hanging out.  I'm in the middle of my "Christmas Break" that I like to take at the end of the year.  2 1/2 weeks off, starting right before Christmas Eve and going through the first of the year.  I don't have to go back to work until Jan. 10!! Yay!!  So, there's been excessive amounts of sleeping, spending time with my very fat cat (he is always up for a nap, even if he just woke up, so he's a great partner for naps!) and my very grumpy cat, watching daytime TV--around the holidays, there are a ton of marathons on TV, so I LOOOOVE it!-- and painting. 

YKW actually gave me a Christmas present, although I think it was probably out of guilt more than anything, since he's clearly feeling guilty about everything and has been since it all started.  So, he got me a Visa gift card for $100.  Comparing this gift card to previous gifts that he's given me, this was a pretty lame gift.  But, whatever, I was surprised I got anything from him at all.  So, I used it to buy myself art supplies.  I decided to try my hand at acrylic paints.  I've always wanted to, but I could never justify spending the money on it.  But, since I had the gift card, it was the perfect opportunity to give it a whirl.  Here's what I've done so far: 

This is the first painting I've ever done in acrylic.  It's clearly meant to convey how I've been feeling about things lately.  You know, like I'm pushing a boulder up a hill...

This is the most recent one I've completed.  I think I'm going to end up doing a few in a similar style but in different colors.  I like doing the blocks of color because they are easy to do and it's relaxing to just zone out and paint colored blocks. 

So, I've been spending a lot of time painting since I got the supplies.  And not thinking about work, which is nice.  Especially because my vacation got delayed by a few days so that I could complete a brief that I had to turn in before the end of the year.  But, thankfully that only took a few extra hours and I was able to finish it up.  I'm really enjoying being a total sloth.  It's pretty nice to take a lazy vacation that involves nothing more than wearing pajamas and sleeping in until 11:00 a.m.  I'll have to go back to work soon enough. 

As far as dealing with the crap w/ YKW, I've just avoided dealing with him as much as possible.  I'm seeing a counselor (and have been for a little over a month) and taking medication to help with the depression and social anxiety that I have had for many years.  So, I'm working on dealing with the emotional trauma the whole experience has caused me, although how well I'm doing depends on the day.  Sometimes I'm okay and sometimes just getting out of bed is a struggle.  So, it depends on the day, but I think it's only a matter of time until I feel better.  Not interacting with him certainly helps, so I don't talk to him unless absolutely necessary--which basically means when the bills need to be paid.  

Other than that, I've been trying to do things that help me turn off thoughts about him--things like hanging out with my friends, sleeping (always a quick and easy way to avoid thinking about things!), painting, reading, doing crossword puzzle books (yes, I know--I'm like 80 years old, especially since I mentioned spending time with my cats and doing crossword puzzles in the same post) and other stuff that helps distract me.  I wouldn't say I'm happy or that I'm feeling good about things while I'm doing these activities, because I'm not generally.  I might be okay, or better than I was doing, but I'm not really happy.  It's just more of a way to distract my mind so I don't have to think about things.  It's stuff that is involving enough that my brain can't focus on other things while I'm focusing on that stuff.  So, I've been trying to do things to distract myself.  It seems to be working to a point, but the unfortunate thing is that eventually I have to stop doing whatever it is that I'm doing and then the distraction stops.  

The vacation is both a good and bad thing--it's nice to have the break from the stress of work, but at the same time, work is a good distraction.  So, it's both good and bad to have the time off.  The unlimited sleeping is more delightful than I can possibly describe--we narcoleptics love our sleep!--and it's night to finally have the time to do things around the house that I've been meaning to do, like cleaning the fridge out and stuff like that.  

So, that's all the news for now.  Nothing terribly exciting to report, since my vacation is purposely boring and dull!  Talk to me next week, when I have to go back to work.  Maybe then I'll have some more legal/public defender related news.  For the time being, all I can tell you about it Law and Order: SVU.  There's a marathon on USA right now. 

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous5:28 PM

    Glad to hear that things are going better!