Sunday, July 19, 2015

How PDG got her groove back

I'll admit that I have let myself not care about a lot of stuff after my divorce & in retrospect, I don't know if I ever ironed out all those things even after I stopped being depressed about everything & even after I started dating Guy. In deciding how to handle this breakup, I realized I could use this time to become better. I could use this time to improve myself & I could get my groove back. So, I've made decisions to improve my life & myself in order to try to fight the sadness & depression & in order to try to be happier overall.

I have been focusing on tackling one area every day to clean out the clutter that has built up. I've also been focusing on eating better & exercising more. I decided on Friday to start running. I had a compulsion to run in order to try not to think about things & I've decided to try it out as a longer term coping mechanism for now. I did my first attempt at it today and it was pretty decent. A lot of walking in with my running but still. I listened to the comedy channel on my Pandora & away I went. I plan on trying to get up tomorrow morning in time to run before work.

I've decided to try to give myself a reset in life. I thought I knew what I was doing & what my future was going to include, but I was thrown for a loop once again. I am not going to make any major life decisions right now, like moving out of state or anything like that. But I am going to focus on trying to be happier & healthier & overall in a better place mentally. That way, when I determine it's time to make some choices in my life, I will be in the best place mentally that I can be.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Only a phoenix really knows herself

I have been doing a lot of introspective thinking in the past two weeks & especially in the last couple days since the official breakup. Although ultimately his decision to leave was based primarily on his own need to figure out what he wanted & who he was on his own, he had raised some valid concerns about me that I recognized as having validity. I had been willing to work w/ him on those items he raised, but he felt like I was unable to make any changes or progress in the areas of his concerns & that if I did, it would be solely because he had raised the issue instead of a genuine desire on my part to do better.

I find it interesting that he felt so strongly that I was a lost cause. His concerns, while valid, were not so difficult that they couldn't be dealt with. He was concerned bc I am not very neat around the house. I fully admit that. Clutter tends to build up in my spaces. But I knew this was an area that I was weak in, so I was happy to accept help in improving. He felt I couldn't ever improve bc he felt this was a fundamental part of who I am, rather than just a habit that could be corrected. He had no faith in me or my ability & willingness to make changes & improve myself.

He also felt like he was more active than me, which is true. I have been out of shape since the divorce, which has limited my ability to be as active as I once was. I was (and still am) working on this, but again, he felt that this was something that could not be modified or changed. He was unable to believe that I would be able to get back to where I used to be before the divorce depression.

I try to take something away from a bad situation & learn what I can from it. I try to reflect on how I can walk away from the crumbled mess & become a better person. I try to learn something about myself after each trauma, bc otherwise it really WAS a waste of my time.

He may have no faith in me or my abilities. He may feel I am a lost cause that cannot ever improve in areas that I'm weak. He may think I am hopeless & doomed to be a hot mess forever. But that just shows me that he didn't ever really know me. He didn't ever really understand who I am & what I can do if I decide I'm going to do it.

Because he is wrong about me. I'm not hopeless & I'm not a lost cause. I can improve. And I have been over the past week, despite the fact that he'll never know about it. I made a commitment to myself to do something every day for the next 21 days to lessen the clutter in my life. It does cause me to feel stress, so now is a perfect time to lower my stress by lowering the "noise" of the clutter in my life.

I have also been working out regularly since February & have dropped 22 pounds. I have enrolled in a program through work that helps w/ making long-term lifestyle changes in order to be healthier & I have been seeing additional success w/ that. As I've been getting back into shape, my energy & activity level have increased as well. But he felt it couldn't ever happen. He felt I wasn't able to make changes & do better. He lacked confidence in me.

That's ok. I have confidence in myself. I know that I have things I need to improve on & I'm not too proud to say that. I'm also not too proud to accept help in making improvements. And I recognized that he had valid concerns about me. I was willing to work on them for us & for our relationship, but he didn't want to stick around for that bc he had his own issues to work on, which were much more significant than mine. But, even without him, I am making changes to improve myself. I am making steps to be a better person. I have walked away from this situation w/ some insight into areas that others think I can improve in & that I want to improve in. Not for him, not for us, but for me. Bc it's what I want. And because I know I can do it. I've always been able to set goals & accomplish them for myself. The fact that he didn't get that about me just means he didn't really know me that well at all.

I am hurt & I am wounded. Rejection always hurts. But I won't leave from this empty-handed, anymore than I left from my divorce empty-handed. I will grow & improve & rise like a phoenix from the ashes. It's a continual process for me bc I often end up in situations that hurt that are beyond my control. But that just means I'm well-practiced at taking a blow & rising up again.

He was wrong about me. He didn't know who I really am. But I do. I am will come through this better than I was before, even if that just means I'm healthier & have less clutter.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The end

Guy & I met tonight. Well last night now. But whatever. The end result is that I'm once again single & heartbroken. Seems to be a recurring theme.

We had dinner & didn't talk about anything real serious. After dinner, we went for a drive to talk. Also, he wanted to make out, which I found rather confusing because we hadn't even discussed what was going on with us yet. I suggested we talk first, as that would impact whether there would be any making out.

He said he needed to work on him. That he knew he hurt me by cheating on me & that he had done that bc he was unable to talk to me about what was bothering him. He said he didn't want to keep hurting me or other people so he decided it would be best if he didn't date anyone at all for awhile. He's seeing a therapist & thinks he needs more time to work with him to sort out his own issues because he doesn't know what he wants. He said he needed to be on his own & doing his own thing for a bit. And then he said he'd give me a call & ask me on a date, if I'd still have him. He said I'd always be special to him & he didn't regret dating me at all. When I said I did, he got upset & said he hoped I'd never say that again. We both cried & held each other & it was very sad.

He said he still wants to get together w/ me (not sure why) & when I said I'd miss him very much, he said he was only a phone call away. But what would I say to him? The problem w/ us is that we've never been able to just be friends. We have always had this intense emotional & physical attraction to each other that neither of us can seem to resist. When we are together, it always falls into a relationship-y type of interaction. We are each other's siren song. Even tonight, as we are breaking up, we kept hugging & holding hands & he couldn't just say it was forever over bc neither of us can give the other one up. We either need to find a way to make a relationship work between us or never speak to each other again bc we cannot sustain a middle ground.

Regardless, I don't think I've heard the last from him. I won't put my life on hold or anything. But I have a feeling he'll be back.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Become an island

Today I have been sleeping all day to avoid thinking about things w/ Guy. How I ended up in the same situation again, I will never understand. I can't believe anymore that "everything happens for a reason." I used to hold onto that belief for dear life, as a way to explain the hurt & heartache I seem to always have to struggle with in life. But now, I can't believe that.

Even if the depression & darkness of my last relationship served some purpose, what could be served by going through it all over again? What purpose could a repeat of that same pain serve? I can't imagine there is one.

I try to be cautious about who I let in. I don't get close to many people. I keep my distance from almost everyone to prevent myself from getting hurt. I carefully assess whether to let someone get to know me & get close to me. But I still end up getting hurt. The only solution it seems is to isolate myself from others. It's lonely but it's much less painful that way.

As Fiona Apple sang: "Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love."

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Hello, Mr. Heartache, I've been expecting you

Well, this week Guy told me he didn't want to see me anymore & chalked it up to there being too many differences between us. I didn't get it bc there have always been differences btwn us & it's never been a major issue before. I asked him to reconsider, especially bc I didn't know these things were significant enough to cause him to want to break up & so we hadn't even had a chance to work on things. He sat on my couch & said the same thing YKW said to me 4 yrs ago: I don't want to work on things.

I felt like I was reliving the horror of my past all over again. Not knowing anything was amiss because the other person seemed fine & then out of the blue, being told there's something wrong & he isn't willing to give us a chance to fix things. It was happening all over again.

I told him how much I loved him, how I didn't think these were insurmountable things that couldn't be fixed. I asked him to give us a chance to make things better. He said he needed time to think about it. He asked me to give him a week to think about things & to talk to his therapist. He asked me not to contact him during this week. He did say that he still loves me so that was something different from YKW. But it was devastating.

On Thursday, I found a number on our phone bill that kept showing up for the last month & I knew. I knew what that meant. I'd seen it before. I texted the number & said I was his girlfriend. She had no idea he had a girlfriend. I talked to her on the phone. She told me they'd been on about 5 dates together. And they'd slept together.

I thought the pain I went through after the divorce was the worst pain I could ever know but it turns out I was wrong. This is worse. Because Guy knows how the divorce & being cheated on ruined me for so long. He KNEW that I went into such a dark depression I didn't think I was going to survive it. He KNEW that I had barely made it through & had barely kept my sanity through all that. And he decided to not only hurt me, but to rip back open that old, freshly-healed wound & then grind salt into it.

Breaking up with me would have hurt, of course. I know that there was a risk of things not working out like there always is in any relationship. But to be so cruel as to exploit the wound he knew was still tender...cheating is hurtful no matter what, but to do it to someone who has shared with you the darkness they lived in as a result of being cheated on, to knowingly tear open that sore...that's a new level of callousness.

Of course I called him & texted him. He ignored me mostly. I said I knew now he never loved me, that he just used me & the fact that he knew I'd always had strong feelings for him, & I asked him why. He said we can meet still on Monday & discuss things. And I can give him back his things from my apt.

I'm dying of hurt. All I want to do is sleep to escape. I'm in so much misery. Everything he said & did was a lie. How naive & stupid I was.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Being a trial lawyer

Being a trial lawyer is an incredibly draining job. It's a job that is hard to explain to people who don't do this work, even to people who have high stress jobs where people depend on them. Trial is all-consuming. And the pressure & stress is unlike anything else.

As a public defender, people rely on me. In some of my cases, people's lives depend on me. Not in the sense that they will die, but in the sense that a guilty verdict will send them to prison & everything in their life will be irrevocably altered.

My last trial, the client was facing 91 months in prison if we lost. That is a long period of time. This trial that starts on Monday, the sentence is 144 months in prison if we lose. The outcome of trial will affect the course of the client's life in a very huge way.

And for most trials, it's a very solitary venture. As the attorney, I'm almost always on my own in the courtroom. I'm the only one I have to consult with & I am the only one I have to rely on. I have to make judgment calls, sometimes on the spur of the moment, & hope it's the right choice. Trial is a solo undertaking. Since it's all day, there is usually no time to go back to the office to debrief with others or discuss the day's events. You're all on your own.

Being in trial is almost a round-the-clock status. Even when court is out, whether for break, lunch, or the end of the day, as the lawyer you're still in trial mentally. There's still things that need to be changed, researched, looked into, modified, added, omitted, altered, etc. Trial never stops until the verdict is read. If I'm not asleep, I'm in trial.

Being a trial lawyer is hard to explain to someone else. It's not like Law & Order where the attorneys can just prance around saying whatever & it wraps up in an hour. It's mentally, physically, & emotionally draining. People who don't do this job can't understand what that is like.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Been awhile

It's been some time since I've posted, mostly because I've been overwhelmingly busy with stuff. Work has been crazier than usual recently & I'm slated to start a 1st Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct trial on Monday. Thankfully, I'm not the only lawyer on the case, so the work is cut down a bit. But it's a huge case & it's been consuming me recently.

Also the court calendar in my county has become a rapid paced blitz. My former county was always on the fast track, no matter what, and it was incredibly hard to keep up. My current county hasn't gotten that bad...yet...but it seems like it's going that way. And that makes a stressful job even more stressful.

One of my co-workers recently had a trial start on Monday & end late on Tuesday night. He was then required to start another trial that Wednesday. Two trials one week. I couldn't do it. I'd collapse.

The calendar routinely has felony trials starting on Mondays & gross misdemeanors & misdemeanors starting on Wednesdays. I have a mixed caseload, meaning I can be scheduled for two trials a week.

And the calendar for all other hrgs has sped up too. It's been making it hard to be on top of everything & to find enough time to do the proper work on cases. So, it's been exhausting.

I'll post more later. For now, I have to do some work for trial...

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Goodbye Grandma

My grandma died on Saturday.

I won't pretend my grandma was someone she wasn't. The truth is that my grandma was a difficult person to be around. She oftentimes said cruel & hurtful things. She was a very unhappy woman for most of her life. But I still loved her, despite all that. Even though it was hard to be around her because she was almost guaranteed to say something that would make me feel terrible.

I think she wanted to be loved & give love, but I don't think she knew how. She pushed people away because it was what she was familiar with & what she knew. She didn't know how to show that she loved someone. She spent much of her life being lonely, but it was by her own design.

My mom & my aunts have talked about how their grandmother, my grandma's mom, was an especially mean woman who said cruel, hurtful things. It's not hard to understand why my grandma was the way she was. She didn't know how to be any other way.

I loved her very much. I wish she had been able to accept love from others so we could have had a better relationship. I wish she could have known that our family loved her as much as we did. I can only hope that she knows it now.

If I can take anything from her life, it's to be open to the love people want to give you. Even when it's scary, let people love you. Because they do, whether you let them show you or not. And it hurts everyone involved if you push them away. Be open to the love people are trying to give to you.

I'll miss you, Grandma. I loved you very much, even if you didn't let me show you. 

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Let's punish people for crimes they didn't commit!

In yet another stupid decision, the Minnesota Court of Appeals has once again confirmed that DWIs are the actual worst crime possible. In fact, they are so horrible, the state is allowed to punish you EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T COMMIT A DWI. That's according to Dornbush v. Commissioner of Public Safety.

Let's review pertinent info before discussing the details of the case. In MN, there are differing ways to commit a DWI. One of those is being under the influence of a controlled substance. Even if it's legal, like Vicodin that your doctor prescribed, if it makes you too loopy to drive, you can get a DWI. Another way to get a DWI is by having any amount of a schedule 1 or 2 drug in your system, regardless of whether it affects your ability to drive. Just the presence of that drug in your system is enough to convict you of a DWI. Schedule 1 drugs are illegal drugs: cocaine, heroin, meth, etc. Schedule 2 drugs are legal, but considered by the medical community yo be highly addictive & have a high chance of being abused. This includes drugs like Adderall & morphine, etc. So, under this type of DWI, I am committing a DWI every time I drive, bc I take Adderall for my hyoersomnia. The fact that it actually makes me a better, safer driver (because I'm not going to fall asleep at the wheel) doesn't necessarily matter since the law requires only that the drug be in your system.

However, there is a defense available to that particular type of DWI, if you are legally prescribed the drug that is in your system. If so, then you are not guilty of a DWI just for having the drug in your system. Good news for those of us who need to take Schedule 2 medication and still be able to drive.

Also important to know is that the Department of Public Safety will revoke your license if you have a positive test for drugs or alcohol after a DWI arrest. That will happen before the criminal case is settled. It happens fast.

So, in the Dornbush case, the defendant was pulled over for a DWI & charged w/ having any amount of a schedule 1 or 2 in his system. He got his license taken away by the Department of Public Safety, as is the normal course of business with DWI cases. He eventually was able to show that the defense of taking the drug pursuant to a doctor's orders applied to him & the criminal case went away. Then he goes to the Department of Public Safety & says, "Hey, look, I shouldn't have had my license taken away, bc I didn't actually break the law. I was taking the medication as my doctor instructed, which means I didn't commit a DWI. So, can I have my license back please?" To which the Department of Public Safety responded, "No, you cannot have it back."

So, he appealed the decision to revoke his license. The license revocation is supposed to be an administrative penalty for having broken the law. Since he didn't break the law, he shouldn't be punished. Makes sense, right?

Well, no, not according to the MN Court of Appeals. They agreed with the Department of Public Safety, that he could not get his license back. Why? Because the defense that you are taking medication as prescribed by your doctor only applies to the criminal charge, not to the license revocation since that's considered a civil matter. Since the legislature didn't include it as a defense for the administrative revocation penalty, it doesn't apply. Sucks to be you, defendant who didn't actually commit any crime, because you're going to be treated the same as if you did!

The Court talked a lot about how this was an administrative penalty & that the license revocation proceedings are separate from the criminal stuff so the defense can't possibly apply unless the statute were to specifically include it as a defense to having your license revoked. But this argument/line of reasoning falls flat on its face. In Minnesota, if you have a prior DWI conviction or drug or alcohol related loss of license on your driving record, drug or alcohol related loss of license on your driving record, and you get charged w/ a DWI, it automatically jumps from a misdemeanor to a gross misdemeanor, because you're a "repeat offender" who needs to be punished more severely than a first-timer. Did you catch that? It's a conviction or losing your license for drugs or alcohol.

Which means that Dornbush, who has not committed any crime under the law, will be considered a repeat offender if he ever actually does get a DWI. He will be looking at more serious consequences that are reserved for people who have already had one DWI in the past & who apparently didn't get it the first time. He will be subject to forfeiture of his car & impoundment of his license plates. And he'll be required to do jail time that is reserved for repeat drunk drivers, despite not ever having been convicted of a prior DWI!

The Draconian ruling in this opinion kills me. The Court once again doesn't seem to care if DWI laws result in unfair or absurd outcomes or if we end up punishing people for crimes they didn't commit. As long as we can punish people, guilty or not!, for DWIs, that's all that matters. The Court completely ignored the issue with the loss of license causing the person to be facing more serious charges despite never having been convicted & having a valid medical defense.  

Given that I take Adderall as prescribed every day, I find this ruling more than just a bit troubling. I'm now terrified that I could lose my license if I'm ever pulled over. It's so stupid & nonsensical it makes my brain hurt. I don't understand how they reach their decision, because this one makes no sense. It's actually now punishing people who haven't committed a crime.

Punishing. People. Who. Have. Not. Committed. A. Crime.

Just let that sink in for a bit.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Quick updates

So, Guÿ bought me a Kinect for my Xbox for Valentine's day, which is awesome bc I've wanted one for awhile. And then, since I now have the Kinect, I got a dancing game called Dance Central & I'm obsessed. I LOVE dancing & I love learning choreographed dances, so this game is perfect for me. Plus, I'm pretty sure it counts as my daily exercise requirement, since I do it like every day for an hour or more. Seriously, I'm obsessed!! So much fun!

Also, a friend of mine does amazing artwork & also is an actress, so everyone should check out her website at www.jensiarts.com. She's incredibly talented, so please go check her out!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

We'll find any way to get around that pesky 4th Amendment

So, remember back in March when I discussed a recent MN Court of Appeals case, State v. Bernard? And I was super incensed by how ridiculous it was and how it managed to completely destroy the entire 200+ years of 4th Amendment jurisprudence?  Well, it was appealed to the MN Supreme Court, which was exactly what everyone expected would happen.  And today, the MN Supreme Court made a decision on that case, which is still way off-base in my opinion, but at least it did not completely decimate the 4th Amendment the way the Court of Appeals' decision had done. 

It's still a decision that doesn't seem to grasp how the exceptions to the 4th Amendment work and still comes out with the wrong holding. And makes bad law that doesn't make sense with other laws already in place and established for a long time. 

So, as usual, let's review this case with swear words and colorful language:

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Not Guilty! My favorite words!

I was in trial this week on a difficult case. The charge was one of those where just the charge itself is bad & people assume being charged is bad enough. It was a very tough case w/ difficult facts to work with & even more difficult bc I honestly believed my client was innocent. And those are the hardest to defend bc the pressure to be successful is so high.

This was a commit to prison case, meaning if he were convicted, he'd have had to go to prison, no probation. And it was a long sentence: 91 months. My client had a lot at stake going into trial. And I was so nervous I was shaking at last Friday's pretrial motion hearing.

We started on Monday & wrapped up today. Jury went out at 11:50 a.m. They had a verdict by 1:25 p.m.

My heart sank. That felt too fast to be good for my client. They felt like it was going to be a guilty verdict & I was going to be devastated & my client was going to be beside himself.

The verdict was not guilty. I gasped audibly in shock & joy. So did my client. I grabbed his shoulder, he grabbed mine, and he said softly, "Thank you so much. Thank you."

My client had been in jail since his arrest. He was released after the verdict. He had to go back to the jail to be booked out, but this time, the transport bailiff didn't have to hand & leg cuff him. My client was a free man. My client finally got to go home & get his life back & see his son again.

There is no way to describe the feeling of getting a not guilty verdict. It's relief and joy and excitement and vindication and satisfaction and tons of other emotions all at once. Getting a not guilty that saves someone from prison, that adds even more to the emotional overload.

Seeing your client finally walk out w/o handcuffs and knowing I'd helped to set him free...it's an experience like nothing I can ever explain. It's powerful & overwhelming & humbling all at the same time.

Days like this make it all worthwhile.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Here we go again

So, I had two trials right before I went on vacation last month. I lost both. I had to prepare for 4 trials but only 2 actually went. So it was an exhausting month. I finished my last trial two days before I went on vacation. A much needed vacation by the time it rolled around.

I came back from vacation on January 6th. And today I start another trial. A really serious trial that's going to be a lot of work this week.

Next week, I'm scheduled for another serious trial, as well.

I'm already exhausted & the stress from this first trial is going to eat me alive. And then I have to also try to prepare the other case for trial while simultaneously being in trial on this case. There should be a rule that you can't be in trials back to back. It's too hard & too exhausting. Not to mention nothing else gets done on your other cases.

So, I went from rarely having trials in 2013 & most of 2014, to having prepped for 6 trials in 2 months & actually going to trial on at least 3 and if next week's case doesn't settle, 4 trials in 2 months. That's a lot of trials.

I'm already tired from this week & it hasn't even started.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Lions & tigers & trial prep, oh my!

It's going to be a busy December based on the current outlook at work. I've got my usual 2 weeks off at the end of the year, but before then, I've got a lot of stuff to do.

I was supposed to be in trial this week but that fell through yesterday morning. I've got another trial next week where the current offer is plead as charged (which isn't an offer at all) but the prosecutor is willing to consider a counter offer. But it's currently still up for trial next week which means I need to act like it's on for trial.

Then I have 3 trials after that the following week. 2 very serious felonies & 1 gross misdemeanor. One is for a client who is in custody. So the pressure is on to be ready on those files, as well. And that's a lot of trial work in the next few weeks.

Head down, game face on.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

The problem w/ Ferguson & the failure to indict.

Let's talk about Ferguson. I know, I know, it's been discussed at length in various formats. The racial aspect of the whole situation is obvious & has been a catalyst for an overall reflection on the way we as a society still view non-whites.

But, let's set aside the racial element for a minute & look at why the failure to indict Darren Wilson was incorrect from a purely legal standpoint. Let's strip it down to the basic, legal components & analyze. Other commentators have done better at discussing the racial divide that Ferguson has brought clearly into focus so I will leave that to those who can discuss that more eloquently than me. Tonight, we will just talk about the problems with the lack of indictment based on the legal framework.

First, it's important to understand what a grand jury actually is & what its purpose is. A grand jury is not a fact finding jury. They aren't there to determine what happened, what the verdict should be, etc. Instead, the grand jury takes on the role of the prosecution, to review the evidence collected by police to determine if there is probable cause for a charge.

There are various standards in the legal world for suspicion of criminal activity. Here's the run down:

Beyond a reasonable doubt: required to convict someone at trial. This is the highest standard in court. In order to convict, there must be no other reasonable explanations for was happened other than the defendant committed the offense.

Clear & convincing: this is a lower standard than beyond a reasonable doubt but does require the state to prove its claims. The evidence they present has to be clear & convincing that the defendant is guilty. In MN, this is the standard for probation violation hrgs.

Preponderance of the evidence: a step below clear & convincing. Common in civil cases. Basically, if the evidence is 51% in favor of the state, this standard has been met.

Probable cause: an even lower standard. Requires that there be at least some evidence tying the defendant to the allegations. Generally, this doesn't require much in the way of evidence. They only need to have something. It doesn't require the evidence be credible or reliable, just that it exists.

Reasonable, articulable suspicion: one step above a hunch. There has to be something that can be used to support the suspicion, it can't just be a gut feeling or something like that. But it doesn't have to be real strong or compelling. If you have a hunch & can throw out a couple of reasons why you have that hunch, you've likely met this standard. This is used by police to justify searches/seizures.

So, probable cause is one of the lowest standards in the criminal world. It doesn't take a lot to get to probable cause.

When a complaint is charged, there is a statement of probable cause that outlines the state's best evidence. It's not all the evidence, it's the evidence that the state thinks is most helpful to show there's probable cause. And while defendants can challenge probable cause for a charge, it's hard to win bc it's not a high standard to meet. Basically, the only way defendants win is if there is absolutely no evidence of the defendant committing the crime. And not "no evidence" as in "we're disagreeing with the state's evidence bc it's so weak." It means "no evidence" as in there are elements of the crime that they actually can't provide any evidence for. An example of this would be a complaint I had a few years ago that charged my client with possession of marijuana. The complaint stated that my client had been arrested on a warrant & when searched at the jail, they found cocaine on him. No marijuana was ever mentioned in the complaint, other than in the charge. This is a prime example of "no evidence." The charge lacked probable cause bc there was no evidence of possession of marijuana. Now, in this case, the state just had to adjust the charge to the right charge for the cocaine but that is what I mean by "no evidence." Literally, no evidence.

If there is a dispute about evidence, then it's enough to get probable cause. It's a trial jury's role to sift through the evidence & decide what happened. In contrast, a grand jury stands in the place of the prosecutor to decide whether there's probable cause for a charge.

So, now that we are all on the same page, let's peek at the problem w/ the Ferguson grand jury.

The problem is that there WAS a dispute about evidence. There WAS a conflict btwn the various witnesses' testimonies. There WAS evidence that could be used to indict Wilson. There was also evidence that could show Wilson was acting in self-defense. The problem is that a fact-finding jury will never get to review all the evidence, subjected to cross-examination, and make a determination about the disputed facts. And that is what a trial jury is supposed to do when there are facts in dispute.

The grand jury in this case went beyond what it should have done, weighing the credibility of witnesses & reaching a conclusion about the facts. Instead, it should have limited its review to whether there was probable cause, not whether there was a self-defense claim or which witnesses to believe. That's not the role of a grand jury.

The prosecutors threw this grand jury proceeding to fit a social demand. The prosecutors could have easily gotten the indictment if they had really wanted it. They could have presented only evidence that was favorable to getting an indictment, just like most prosecuters do when they file a complaint. They could have easily gotten that indictment but they didn't want to. And that's the problem. They wanted to protect a cop, rather than making him explain his actions in court & allowing the facts to come out under cross-exam & allowing a trial jury to decide.

The most troubling thing for me is that Ferguson shows that, no matter what side they may be on, the police always win. The government gets its way. The government can actually kill us w/o repercussion now, because we don't make them answer for their actions & we don't hold them accountable when they go too far. And that's truly terrifying.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Once again, let's review "judicial activism."

Ted Cruz is a moron. He released a press statement this week regarding the US Supreme Court's determination that it would not hear any of the cases involving gay marriage and in that press release, he called the Court's determination "judicial activism at its worst."

Please. Please stop. You're making my head hurt. 

Judicial activism actually means something. It has a real, legitimate, actual meaning. And that meaning isn't "I don't agree with them." 

In order for a court to be considered "activist," the court must do something. It must act. Weird, huh? It must make a decision on a case. 

The Supreme Court did exactly the opposite of that. It did nothing. Nothing at all. Not one damn thing. Therefore, it cannot be considered "judicial activism" because the Court won't hear the gay marriage cases. 

Here's how judicial activism looks in real life: 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Adrian Peterson situation and the problem with prejudging

So, as basically everyone has heard, Vikings football player Adrian Peterson has been indicted by a Texas grand jury on child abuse charges. Initially, he was deactivated from the team & prevented from playing in one game this past Sunday; the team owners then reactivated him to play on Mondaywhile the criminal case worked its way through the court system. The Radisson pulled its sponsorship of the entire Vikings team as a result of the indictment. Nike & Wheaties also severed ties with Peterson. On Tuesday, Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton weighed in on the situation, calling Peterson's alleged actions "a public embarrassment" & while providing lip service to the idea of innocent until proven guilty, said that the Vikings should have continued Peterson's suspension until the court case was finished. Senator Al Franken also called for Peterson's suspension to be reinstated. Finally, on Wednesday, the Vikings reversed course under the media & political pressure & placed Peterson on the exempt list, meaning he must stay away from the team.

This is all the result of an accusation. Not a conviction. Not a verdict of guilty or an admission of committing a crime. An accusation.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Ouch.

So, last week I was on vacation and on Friday, I was on a horseback ride and  I managed to fall off the horse during the ride and I really injured myself.  I had had concerns during the ride that the saddle was too loose, but I pushed them aside and thought that they were the professionals and they knew how to saddle a horse.  Technically, so do I, as I had a horseback riding class in college, but it's been awhile since I've actually had to saddle a horse, so I deferred to the stablehand's judgment on the saddle. But I did think it was a bit loose. 

Turns out, it was.  During our final canter towards the stable, my horse veered left suddenly because a flock of birds took flight from the ground close by us and spooked the horse.  The horse went left sharply, my saddle twisted to the right side, and BAM, down on the ground I went. I landed and rolled a few times in the dirt on the trail. 


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Whoa

Today I was talking to a friend of mine who is also a public defender in a different area than me. She said she had been talking to the state public defender about me.

The way the public defense system is set up is that there are 10 judicial districts in the state. Each district has a chief public defender, so 10 chiefs (actually 11 if you include the appellate office). The chief hires assistant public defenders to cover cases w/in that district.

Above the chiefs, there is the state public defender. That is the top position w/in the public defense system. The state PD is the head honcho.  I have only met him a couple of times in the entire time I have been in public defense, including when I was an intern. I know him bc he was a chief before he was the state PD & everyone knows the names of the chiefs. But I have never had a conversation w/ him.

So, my friend was talking to him about me & he said to her that he had heard my name before & had heard good things about me. He said, "She's got a good reputation, doesn't she." My friend told me this today & I was floored.

I'm just a line attorney in some middle of nowhere land, doing my job. I haven't made the news for any big cases or taken down some poorly-run crime lab or represented some high profile case. I wouldn't expect the state PD to have any idea who I am, let alone have heard specific opinions about me.

I think it's really neat that he knows about me & that my reputation is a good one. I am just surprised that I even have a reputation in the legal field beyond my little area of the state.

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

So much Supreme Court to discuss this week!

So. It's been a big week or so in Legal Nerd Land. The Supreme Court has recently issued two high-profile cases that have attracted a lot of attention.  

The first one to be released was Riley v. California, which I previously mentioned when it was granted cert. It was a case about whether or not police need a warrant to search your cell phone when you've been arrested.  The Supreme Court unanimously decided that police did need a warrant.

Here's the sitch: