Once again, let's review "judicial activism."

Ted Cruz is a moron. He released a press statement this week regarding the US Supreme Court's determination that it would not hear any of the cases involving gay marriage and in that press release, he called the Court's determination "judicial activism at its worst."

Please. Please stop. You're making my head hurt. 

Judicial activism actually means something. It has a real, legitimate, actual meaning. And that meaning isn't "I don't agree with them." 

In order for a court to be considered "activist," the court must do something. It must act. Weird, huh? It must make a decision on a case. 

The Supreme Court did exactly the opposite of that. It did nothing. Nothing at all. Not one damn thing. Therefore, it cannot be considered "judicial activism" because the Court won't hear the gay marriage cases. 

Here's how judicial activism looks in real life: 

Why I always sound like a sourpuss

It occurs to me that I have been quite complainy lately in my posts. I suppose there are a couple of reasons for that. The first is that this has always been my outlet of sorts, the place where I go dump everything that I am thinking/feeling to get it out of my system. That way, it isn't still kicking around in my head. I tend to be someone who mulls things over & can't stop thinking about things (I'll bet that's not at all a news flash), so just getting my thoughts out of my head helps me to stop that cycle of dwelling on things.

Spinning my wheels & going nowhere

Lately work has been making me want to scream in frustration. It is really difficult to get offers from the prosecution & then the ones I do get aren't that good. And they aren't very specific as to what my clients can expect.

A majority of my clients are willing to plead guilty to something (not necessarily what the charges are) and the biggest concern they have is what will happen to them. They want some sort of assurance about what they can expect if they plead guilty. A trial is unpredictable & a high risk venture. Clients who are pleading guilty generally don't want to have that unpredictability & uncertainty. The draw of a plea bargain isn't just a reduced charge. It's also knowing what will happen & how this will affect their lives. The draw of a plea is in large part the certainty that comes with it.

Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?

SIGH. 

It's like a never-ending onslaught of destroying people's rights lately! Did no one take civics class in high school?? What is wrong with people lately?! Recently, this little piece by Lawrence O'Donnell from MSNBC started circulating on Twitter. And I saw it. And it made my head almost explode. 

Time to start playing hide the ball...

I am extremely annoyed with a case I am dealing with currently. I found out today just how differently I have to deal with the prosecutors in my current county from the prosecutors in my old county.

My general approach to lawyering/plea negotiations has been to be as honest & forthright as possible, w/o revealing any client confidences. I expect prosecutors to do that with me so I do that on my side of things. But apparently this general policy is not one that I should continue in this new county, since it's now being used to the detriment of my client, something that has never happened before on any of my cases.

Grumbles about things

Work has been exceedingly frustrating lately. It's making it really hard to feel any real satisfaction or enjoyment @ my job lately. There are a few things all kind of coming together that are making things tough.

The first is the rapid pacing of probation violation hearings recently. Unlike new charges, where a person has to be given bail, on probation cases the person can be held w/o bail until the hrg, which has to be w/in 7 days. This week I have 3 or 4 of those hrgs scheduled which means I am scrambling to try to get things done on the cases in time. It's really difficult to get everything done when it's so fast & so many at the same time.

I am also getting little in the way of offers on cases. This makes it difficult to make any headway on the cases. Most of my clients want to resolve the case but it's hard to get offers out of the prosecution & when I do, the offers aren't even all that good. So clients are just of the mindset that they might as well take their chances @ trial. So that means extra work for me bc of trial prep.

In a non-work related but still frustrating item, I am doing my very first 5k this Saturday w/ CB and I am pretty excited for it, but no one is coming to watch & cheer me on. A couple of my friends said they would try to but couldn't get the day off work. My family isn't coming for whatever reason. So no one will be there w/ me except CB. I am glad she will be there w/ me so @ least I won't be totally alone, but it would be nice to have @ least one or two of my friends or family there, too. I know it's just a dumb 5k but it's my first one & kind of a big deal to me. Really sucks that I won't have anyone to celebrate with me.

Grr, I am a crankypants.

Hopefully this won't crabby mood won't last too long.

At least I haven't lost my biting sarcasm

Text conversation with my friend:
Me: I'm so depressed. I wish I were dead so I could have some of those rewards in the next life (I'm not suicidal. I would not hurt or kill myself. This was a reference to an earlier conversation we had had, discussing how it is often discussed at church when going through hard times, to remember that there well be rewards in the next life, which I always thought sounded like an incentive for people to commit suicide. No need to be concerned.)
Friend: Will you stop taking like that? You're freaking me out. You're not looking at your clue board as a game plan are you? (She missed the reference, I guess.)
Me: Don't worry. I'd never kill myself. Ward and Hubert would run out of food and then eat my corpse and that is too creepy for words.
Yes folks, even in the midst of great sadness, my inner smart-ass still survives and cracks dark-humored jokes.

Well, balls...and here I thought that was just my personality

My counselor mentioned that he thought I might have dysthymia.  I didn't know exactly what that was, so I was looking it up after my last appointment.  It didn't sound like a really great fit for my situation, since I'm not always unhappy.  In fact, I'm perfectly capable of having a good time if there's something enjoyable going on around me.  I'm not incapable of having fun or laughing or having good days.  It's just that most of the time, I don't see what there is to get all excited about on a day to day basis.  I mean, let's be honest--life kind of sucks hard more often than not.  So, why would I get up every day and be all chipper and excited for the day when I'm going to just get up, go to work, go home, and repeat?  It's not like that's super awesome or something.  It just is what it is.  

But apparently, that's not normal.  Well, that's news to me...I thought I was just as normal as everyone else.  Sure, I'm aware I'm more cynical than most people, but I always assumed that is because I'm not delusional.  I didn't know that my opinion that most days are boring, uneventful, and sucky was not a routine feeling.  I guess it was enough to make my therapist think I might have dysthymia.  But, again, that didn't sound like a totally accurate fit for me.

And then I ran into this:

And now, here's this stuff

I got the "corrected" divorce paperwork today.  Guess what?  Still not correct.  Including--once again--my name.  Even after notifying YKW's attorney that there were errors, there are still errors.  This is never going to be over...ugggghhhhh...  Again, this just continues to drag on and on and on and on...can it just be over?!?!  I just want this to be over... 

Damn Science...stay out of my job!

During a training today, we discussed forensic science and the need for us, as lawyers, to learn how to understand it.

Damnit! I became a lawyer because I suck at math and science and I have no head for those subjects.  I don't want to have to know science!  I just wanna stand around a courtroom and say, "blah blah blah blah, lawyer-things, big words, big words, yakity yak yak." Now I'm supposed to know science?!

Science, stay in your own field. Quit making me have to learn you!

Pet Peeve of the Day:

When people I haven't spoken to for years send me a message on Facebook wanting me to help them w/ their legal issues.
1. The only area of law I actually know w/any level of proficiency is criminal. Not child support, not divorce, not real estate, not personal injury. I don't have any idea about other areas.
2. No, your five sentence summary of your problem is not nearly enough for me to help you, even if I could and/or wanted to.
3. When I go to work, I produce nothing. I make nothing, I create nothing, I have nothing tangible to sell, I do not produce goods of any kind. The only reason I get paid is to dispense legal advice. My advice and analysis of a case are my only commodity. As such, please don't expect me to do your case for free, especially when we haven't seen each other since middle school. I would guess you don't go up to your acquaintance who builds cabinets and ask him to make you a full set of cabinets for free. It's the same thing.
(Aside: #3 doesn't apply if you are my family).

Where is my hoverboard?

So, if they can make pajama jeans, why can't they make pajamas business suits?

It's too hot

The ridiculous heat lately is making it hard to do everything lately. I basically want to lay down in a room with sub-zero temperatures and get frostbite.  It's so hot and humid that when I'm outside, it feels like I'm breathing through a wet blanket.  It's gross. As I'm sure most everyone everywhere is thinking since the entire country appears to be having a heat wave of epic proportions.
And holy crap, wearing a business suit in this weather is terrible and cruel.  Suit fabrics, especially in northern states, aren't exactly lightweight and breathable. And the lining! Double layers in a suit jacket! Lining is never a breathable fabric! Ugh, it's like being wrapped in Saran Wrap all day. I'm hot and sweaty and uncomfortable all day when it's this hot.  I wish that there was a "too hot" exception to the suit jacket requirement. Even with the air conditioner on, it's still really hard to cool down after being outside and then having to wear a heat-trapping jacket.
I wonder if the dress code for court is more relaxed in states that are consistently hot year round. Like can you get away with a lightweight cardigan as as "jacket" in Hawaii or Arizona? Or a cute short sleeved jacket? Or no jacket at all as long as you're otherwise in business attire? How do people do it in southern states? Could a woman wear dressy capris? A sundress?
If I'm ever a judge, suit jackets will totally be optional if the temp hits 80° or more. If the heat index hits 100+ and I were a judge, there would be a good chance I wouldn't even be wearing pants under my robe.  I mean, the robe is kind of like a big sack dress anyway, right?

Isn't there a Mulligan for your life?

I have never wanted so badly to get into my car and just drive away.  I worked super hard when I was younger so that life would be easier and happier when I got older but that didn't exactly work out.
Life is neither easier nor happier for me. In fact, I think it's now harder and sadder than it ever has been. Which seems unfair, since I could have been unhappy without putting in so much effort to try to change things.  Why did I do all the hard work again?
I'm 29, (basically) divorced (I'm assuming I'll get served with papers any day now), riddled with health problems such as hypothyroidism and narcolepsy, struggling financially, and living in an area I don't want to live in.  The only thing that actually seemed to turn out was getting a job as a public defender, but even that has not really turned out to be what I'd hoped it would.
I used to really enjoy my job and got a lot of satisfaction out of it, even when it was stressful. But lately, I just find it stressful and overwhelming. I rarely feel much else.  I feel guilty sometimes, just to add something new to the mix, bc I can't get to everyone who needs me. But satisfaction is sorely lacking in recent months.
Probably it's due in part to being unhappy in general, but I think part of it is just the crushing caseload and the insufficient resources and the feeling like I am not able to do enough because I'm spread so thin and there are only so many hours in a day.
Plus, I almost always expect to lose on everything.  I don't think I should lose on everything but I expect to. I mean, I've got the defendant.  I get that. I don't have any delusions about that. But, it does cross my mind when I'm at the office at 10:30 at night working on something that this effort and time is likely going to result in nothing.  It's not particularly motivating, although it doesn't deter me from continuing to put in my all. It's just a depressing realization to have. Of course, on the occasions that I do win, it's extra awesome because I didn't expect it. But that isn't the usual outcome.
So between the personal life crap and the grinding machine of work, I'm pretty much ready to phone it in. Pack a bag, hop in the car, and disappear. I can change my name to Regina and start a new life as a fun, cocky, and street-smart drifter. I sense a delightfully light-hearted sitcom here... NBC, call me.

If I were a cat, things would be awesome.

It's no secret that I'm rather hedonistic.  I'm fully aware of that.  However, if was only when Hat pointed out to me recently that I'm the only person he knows who hates sweating that I realized just how intensely I despise things that aren't pleasurable.  There are many things that I really hate and that I am incredibly annoyed with that apparently other people don't think about.  Like sweating. 

Blah

So lately I've been feeling very blah.  I'm not sure why.  It's not low thyroid meds, since I'm on a new dose and have been for awhile and I'm feeling better overall now.  So it's not that.  I'm not sure what the problem is. 


I've been feeling just kind of bored with everything, I guess.  There's not anything in particular that is wrong.  It's just sort of routine and boring.  I feel like it's my own personal "Groundhog's Day."  Every day seems to bleed into the next one and the next and the next. 


I can't say I'm unhappy necessarily.  I'm just bored.  Everything is fine.  Work has been the best (read: least overwhelming and fewest crying sessions) that it has been pretty much since I started.  Hat is still wonderful as always.  We aren't lacking for anything and we have most of the creature comforts that you'd expect--cable, internet, big ol' TV (thanks again, Dad!), video game systems, functioning cars (with warranties still for extra bonuses), etc, etc.  But, I'm still bored/blah.  


I sort of wonder if the problem is that I'm out of goals.  I've accomplished the major life goals I set for myself when I was younger.  Go to college--check.  Go to law school--check.  Get a good job making decent money/not be on welfare like I was as a child--check.  Get a job as a public defender--check.  Get married to someone awesome--check.  Aaaaand now I'm done...so, I'm supposed to be basking in the gloriousness of my accomplishments.  Instead, I'm constantly thinking, "This is it? Getting up at 5:00 a.m. is not what I'd expected as basking in the gloriousness..."  It's a lot less spectacular than I had expected. 


And being a grown-up is a total rip-off.  It's no where near as awesome as I thought it would be when I was a kid.  Being a grown-up was supposed to be full of no bedtimes, no rules, and having so much fun because I could do whatever I wanted.  None of those things are true.  I do have a bedtime, since I have to get up so early for work.  There are rules, like that I have to wear a suitcoat all the time at work (barf) and I have to have insurance on my car (expensive).  And it's not so much fun because I can't do whatever I want.  I have to do things that I need to do or am supposed to do.  Someone should have told me that being a grown-up is not nearly as sweet and magical as it seemed.  Instead it's full of responsibilities and bills and work and buying toilet paper.  Ugh... 


So, maybe it's that I'm out of goals now and I expected it to be way more chock-full of awesomeness than it is.  Maybe it's that being a grown-up isn't as fun as I thought it would be.  Maybe it's because doing the mundane things, like buying toilet paper and toothpaste and paying bills and getting an oil change, are just that--mundane. 


I'm not sure what the problem is but I wish it would go away.  Part of me feels like telling the other part of my to STFU because nothing is wrong so just be happy w/ that.  But the other part of my is still bored and I can't shake it.  I wish I knew how because I would really like to not be bored anymore.  It sucks. 

Matt Capps is the worst closer in baseball.

Nothing like a migraine when you wake up to get you REALLY motivated for a day of court appearances. Ugh...

Maybe the stupid weather is why I've been gloomy lately. Hawaii will help.

My thyroid medicine is off again. 


I know this because lately I keep having these depressing/crappy thoughts pop into my head that generally don't come to mind when my levels are normal.  Things like, "Good gracious, I have to go to work for 40 hours a week for the rest of my life?! Who made that rule? Effing a, this sucks balls."  and "Damnit, being a grown-up blows a lot more than I ever anticipated as a kid."  While those things are true, I generally don't dwell on them and they aren't a cause for me to feel grumpy.  Not the case lately, where I feel grumpy and out-of-sorts about it.  So, I scheduled a doctor's appointment--it's that time of the year anyway--in a couple weeks and they'll stab me a few times in an attempt to get my blood and then call me in a few days and tell me what I already know--that my medicine is off again.  I wish I could skip the stabbing part of it, but apparently that's necessary.  LAME.