Saturday, August 03, 2013

Breathe, stretch, shake, let it go

I meet with my therapist for what will most likely be the last time tomorrow. I am a little scared about that, but mostly I am somewhat relieved. Because I think that not needing to see him anymore, not needing to work through everything with him anymore, is the final goodbye & last door to be closed on my old life. I don't feel like I need help coping anymore. I feel okay again.

My life certainly isn't perfect. Work has been a definite struggle since being assigned in my current county. I am not happy with my weight currently & don't feel super attractive lately. I still feel lonely @ times. But overall, my life is pretty good. Especially when compared to this time last year. Last year my heart & spirits were so low, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to stop feeling miserable & despondent. I wasn't sure if I would ever stop loving YKW. I wasn't sure if I would ever have the strength to make it through everything. So, life is far from perfect right now, but it's substantially improved from a year ago. And for that I am grateful.

I think sometimes about whether I will meet someone else in the future, but I don't think that's in the cards for me. I am pretty gun-shy @ the thought of being in another serious (or not so serious) relationship, for one. And for two, I am not the type of chick that guys seem to want to date. Although, I have gotten 2 marriage proposals from guys who follow me on Twitter & another one who told me he thinks he is a little bit in love with me, so I guess I am pretty charming online? But I am the relatively the same online as I am in person but the charm seems to fall flat in real life. But whatever, it's totes fine since I don't even know what I would do in a relationship anymore besides freak out & get all anxious & flighty.

So I doubt there is a relationship in my future but I am not wasting time worrying about that. It is what it is. I have enough other things in my life to occupy my time.
In an unrelated but interesting note, someone who just recently started reading my blog told me it was very funny & said he didn't know how I can came up w/ this stuff. My response was just, "That is what it is like in my head all the time. I just write my blog in the same voice & language as how I think." So, yeah...reading my blog is basically the same as spending time listening to my internal monologue .

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