Wednesday, August 07, 2013

It's not me. It's them.

People seem to think that bc I am skeptical that I will date anyone in the future that that somehow means that I have a low opinion of myself or that I lack confidence in myself or something along those lines. That is completely not the case.

I think I am the shit. If I were a dude, I would totally date me in a heartbeat bc I am a phenomenal girlfriend. Here is my list of awesome girlfriend characteristics that would make me want to date me:
*I am ridiculously funny
*I am smart & educated
*I have a good job
*I am super low-maintenance
*I am rarely, if ever, jealous in a relationship
*I firmly believe we need separate time w/ just our friends & w/o the partner.
*I don't get mad & then not say why bc "he should just know!" Bc that's moronic unless you're dating a psychic.
*I don't bring up old arguments in the future.
*I'm pretty & have a great rack
*I can hang out w/ my guy's friends & actually have a good time.
*I scream @ the TV when watching the Twins.
*I actually eat real food
*I am super good @ making out (or so I have been told on many occasions)
*I loathe drama. I prefer a drama-free relationship, thanks.
*I like playing video games

And so on & so forth. So basically, I think I am the bee's knees. My belief that I won't be in another relationship isn't because I don't think highly of myself. It's bc, as a straight woman, I am stuck dating guys. And guys are, by & large, idiots (although I will concede that there are exceptions to this & that I do actually know some non-idiot guys, but they aren't the norm). Basically, about two months into dating a guy, he turns into a moron. They either get all weird bc I am smarter than them in something (like, you know, the law...). Or they get all weird bc they feel threatened that I don't NEED a guy to take care of me (but I have no problems w/ being some hot, rich guy's trophy wife, just for the record!). Or they date me for awhile & then forget that I am a fucking catch & start to take my awesomeness for granted & then dump me (cough, cough, YKW, cough, cough). Or the guys that are interested in me are guys that I would never go out with (clients, for example, or creepers or clingy, needy, smothery guys). Or they do that weird thing where they put me on this pedestal & idolize me to the point that they will let me walk all over them, which is really unattractive.

Essentially, the reason I think it's highly unlikely I will date anyone else is bc I have to date guys & guys are terrible relationship partners. It's not me--I am the shit. It's them. I don't need to be told to have more confidence in myself or to work on my self-esteem. I need someone to make guys stop being royal idiots.

Because have I mentioned that I am fabulous? Bc seriously...I am fabulous.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7:50 AM

    It's them....
    Check your shoulder, check the horizon, beyond the Midwestern boyish package. Locate different social-cultural circles, and you will be astounded.