Monday, August 05, 2013

So good after so long

YKW moves to Iowa tomorrow. I know this bc he told me. I don't exactly know why he tells me these things, but he does.
The interesting thing is that I don't really care about it. I remember when he told me initially, I was devastated. But now, I don't really have any feelings on it one way or the other.

It's strange, when you really think about it, how quickly someone can stop loving another person. He told me he wanted a divorce on September 20, 2011. We had been together for 6 years & I loved him more than I could comprehend. I couldn't imagine a day without him in it. And now, less than 2 years later, I can't imagine a day with him in it. He is no longer someone I think about very often. In a way, it's quite sad how quickly the heart can stop loving someone. But in another way, I am grateful for that.

YKW still texts me. I don't know why & again, I don't really care one way or the other. For awhile, it made me hope we might fix things. Then it made me angry that he would even think I wanted to hear from him. But now, I just don't really care. If he wants to text me, ok. If he doesn't, ok.

I suspect his need to stay in touch despite having absolutely no reason to do so stems from either a sense of guilt for what he did & wants to make amends of some kind or a desire to keep one foot in the door with me, just in case he decides he wants me again. I can't think of any other reasons why he would want to stay in touch. Neither reason makes much sense to me, bc I have already told him I have forgiven him & the reconciliation ship sailed when the divorce became final. But I suppose he has his reasons & I don't really care what they are.

It's taken awhile, but I feel good again & it's an incredibly freeing feeling to know I don't care what YKW does anymore. My life is good w/o him & I am happy (for the most part).

It feels so damn good to realize that I have finally been able to let go.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous3:34 PM

    I'm very proud of you!