Monday, June 10, 2013

This is good

I know, it's a rare two-post day! Whaaaa?? Craziness. But I had a minor epiphany this evening that I felt was worth noting.

So I had kind of a wah wah day today. Nothing major happened that I can really complain about, just a bunch of little annoyances. I didn't realize that I had a hrg on in the afternoon, my necklace kept falling into my cleavage so much that I ended up taking it off @ lunch (drawback of my giant rack is that I am limited in my necklace options), the office was really humid & gross, I had like 8 motions to file, the wire in my bra popped out (apparently I was having a really tough time with my boobs today...). So nothing really worth complaining about but enough that at the end of the day, I was glad it was over.

But then, this evening it occurred to me that, if those kind of trivial things are bothering me, then I must not have much to be bothered by. I thought about a year ago--shit, even 6 months ago--and how much of a wreck I was still quite often. And that isn't the case anymore. I am not a wreck anymore. I feel like my old self almost all the time.
I still have my moments. Whenever I am @ church surrounded by married people, I can't help but feel very divorced, for example. But even then, it's no longer that I miss HIM. It's that I miss the companionship. Eventually I am sure that will fade too but I am glad to see that I have come as far as I have. I haven't cried in probably 6 months about it all, I don't think about him or the divorce much anymore, & I don't wake up feeling miserable anymore. I am actually happy most days (although don't start thinking I am going to become some ball of sunshine & optimism bc that isn't happening).

So, the fact that my "bad" days now are really insignificant compared to where I used to be is kind of a major realization. And it's really nice to be happy again. Especially after such a long time feeling like I could never be again.

I am still the same weird, anxious, strange, nerdy, pants-hating chick I always was, but now I don't hate everything all the time (as much as I used to bc let's be honest, my hatred of things will never disappear entirely & that's what makes me hilarious).

Also, I get to go to my first Twins game of the season this week, which is super awesome. I haven't been able to go @ all this year, which is a travesty. So, I pretty excited to go. Plus, hot dogs! Omg, I love those Target Field hot dogs way more than I should. I might have to call into work the next day. I'll be all: "Can't come in today. I got super wasty-face on hot dogs last night, so I am hot dog hungover today." I think that will go over well.

Woohoo, I'm back! So, prepare for a return to pre-divorce awesomeness from this girl. And by awesomeness, I mean napping.

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