Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The end

Guy & I met tonight. Well last night now. But whatever. The end result is that I'm once again single & heartbroken. Seems to be a recurring theme.

We had dinner & didn't talk about anything real serious. After dinner, we went for a drive to talk. Also, he wanted to make out, which I found rather confusing because we hadn't even discussed what was going on with us yet. I suggested we talk first, as that would impact whether there would be any making out.

He said he needed to work on him. That he knew he hurt me by cheating on me & that he had done that bc he was unable to talk to me about what was bothering him. He said he didn't want to keep hurting me or other people so he decided it would be best if he didn't date anyone at all for awhile. He's seeing a therapist & thinks he needs more time to work with him to sort out his own issues because he doesn't know what he wants. He said he needed to be on his own & doing his own thing for a bit. And then he said he'd give me a call & ask me on a date, if I'd still have him. He said I'd always be special to him & he didn't regret dating me at all. When I said I did, he got upset & said he hoped I'd never say that again. We both cried & held each other & it was very sad.

He said he still wants to get together w/ me (not sure why) & when I said I'd miss him very much, he said he was only a phone call away. But what would I say to him? The problem w/ us is that we've never been able to just be friends. We have always had this intense emotional & physical attraction to each other that neither of us can seem to resist. When we are together, it always falls into a relationship-y type of interaction. We are each other's siren song. Even tonight, as we are breaking up, we kept hugging & holding hands & he couldn't just say it was forever over bc neither of us can give the other one up. We either need to find a way to make a relationship work between us or never speak to each other again bc we cannot sustain a middle ground.

Regardless, I don't think I've heard the last from him. I won't put my life on hold or anything. But I have a feeling he'll be back.

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