Sunday, July 12, 2015

Become an island

Today I have been sleeping all day to avoid thinking about things w/ Guy. How I ended up in the same situation again, I will never understand. I can't believe anymore that "everything happens for a reason." I used to hold onto that belief for dear life, as a way to explain the hurt & heartache I seem to always have to struggle with in life. But now, I can't believe that.

Even if the depression & darkness of my last relationship served some purpose, what could be served by going through it all over again? What purpose could a repeat of that same pain serve? I can't imagine there is one.

I try to be cautious about who I let in. I don't get close to many people. I keep my distance from almost everyone to prevent myself from getting hurt. I carefully assess whether to let someone get to know me & get close to me. But I still end up getting hurt. The only solution it seems is to isolate myself from others. It's lonely but it's much less painful that way.

As Fiona Apple sang: "Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love."

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:29 PM

    I'm a fellow MN system pd and I read your blog to get inspired about the kind of lawyer I want to be. In this time of difficulty, please know that you are valued, your work is respected, and your dedication is phenomenal. You deserve a partner who recognizes that and supports you.

    My sympathy.