Monday, July 02, 2012


I am finally starting to not feel like death.  Today I accomplished eating without immediately feeling like I was going to throw up, so that's an improvement. Having an upset stomach is pretty much the worst thing ever, so I'm glad I'm finally feeling like I am not always ready to puke. I am hopeful I'll feel well enough to go to work tomorrow. I was sick on Thursday and Friday, as well as today (plus all weekend but I don't have to call my boss to tell her I'm sick on a weekend).

Tomorrow will be Ward's first day of being all alone. The entire time I've had him, he has never been completely alone. I'm a little worried about how he is going to handle it. I know, I know, he is just a cat. But he is my cat and he is kind of my baby and he is extra special to me (and so was Oscar) bc he helped me to feel better during some of the darkest months of depression I struggled with after the split. So, yes, I'm a little ridiculous about him. Besides, I don't buy into that theory that cats are all aloof and independent and don't need anyone else around.  Both Oscar and Ward would greet me at the door when I came home from work; both wanted to lay with me at night; both would follow me around; etc.  My cats love me. So I am a little worried that Ward might get confused (he's adorable but he's really dumb) and lonely all by himself. We shall see.
I only have a few more things to deal with with YKW.  Mostly stuff like the last round  of bills that need to get paid; canceling the joint accounts; etc. so I expect that stuff to be wrapped up within a week or so, depending on our schedules.  Then, I assume the next time I'll see him will be in court, whenever he files the paperwork for the divorce.  And then after that, I suppose that's officially the last I'll hear from him. Even as little as we interact now,it's still very strange to think that I'll never talk to him again. I guess I will never understand how you can just spend 6 yrs of your life with someone and then suddenly decide that you would just rather never see or hear from them again, but it is what it is.  I tend to value my relationships with people, be they romantic, friendships, or otherwise, much more highly than that but that's just me.
In a way, it's incredibly sad to know that this person I loved more than anyone in the world is going to be out of my life forever in a week or so. But, in another way, it's almost a relief to know that this traumatic period of my life is coming to an end and I can fully focus on the next chapter of my life with no reminders of the past to deal with anymore.

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