Sunday, July 31, 2011

If I were a cat, things would be awesome.

It's no secret that I'm rather hedonistic.  I'm fully aware of that.  However, if was only when Hat pointed out to me recently that I'm the only person he knows who hates sweating that I realized just how intensely I despise things that aren't pleasurable.  There are many things that I really hate and that I am incredibly annoyed with that apparently other people don't think about.  Like sweating. 

Ok, to be fair, I think I have a reasonable explanation as to why I hate sweating.  Having hypothyroidism will cause you to stop sweating; hence, until I was about 20-21 years old, I didn't sweat.  The only time I would sweat ever is if I was doing something extraordinarily exhausting, like mountain climbing in the hottest part of the day under full sun.  Then, I got on medication and my body started functioning normally and I came to the unfortunate realization that humans are disgustingly sweaty a lot of the time.  The smallest physical exertion now makes me pour buckets of sweat. It makes me sick.  Sitting in the sun--dripping.  And blow-drying my hair has become a nightmare of trying to stay cool.  It's terrible to point a hot fan right at my head and try to stay un-sweaty.  Yuck. YUCK.  I can't even describe how much I truly loathe sweating.  It just makes me feel gross.  How everyone just seems to go it and not even notice it is beyond me.  Ish. It's just icky. 

Once Hat pointed that out, I started thinking about other things that I've always been annoyed with that don't both other people.  I've surmised that I generally hate things that things that are required that make me stop doing whatever I was doing to do that thing instead.  Such as going to the bathroom--ANNOYING.  I am always right in the middle of the best part of a show or movie, or I just sat down and finally got comfortable, or I'm in the middle of a productive streak at work and super focused. Then--bam--suddenly I have to go to the bathroom.  And that just pisses me off.

Also, showering--this is annoying because it means I have to blow-dry my hair (see above) and I have to take like 20 minutes for the actual shower itself.  Combined time is like 40 minutes--40 minutes that I could be doing anything else!! Most notably--sleeping in!!  Considering that waking up every morning is a non-stop battle to actually convince my stupid narcoleptic body to actually GET UP, an extra 40 minutes of sleep is nothing to shake a stick at. 

And of course, let's not forget, working out.  Blech.  Working out is terrible.  And don't tell me that I should just find something I enjoy doing and do that because, in probably-not-surprising news, I am not wild about any physical activity because it's always less fun than taking a nap.  If I have the choice of 1) suntanning on the beach or 2) going for a nature hike--I'm on the beach.  So, there is nothing that interests me as far as exercise goes.  It all sucks.  But, I still have to do it. 

Then I look at my cats and think, "Man, I wish I could be reincarnated as a cat.  That's got to be the best thing to be."  All a cat does is sleep and eat.  And those are like 2 of my favorite things to do!!  Not to mention that the fat cats are even more adorable than skinny ones.  Man, that's the perfect life.  How did cats get so lucky?

So, in sum, I wish I were a cat.


  1. Anonymous12:35 AM

    Or try the dollar store!

  2. You are amazing!! Why did I never think of that?? Sometimes the easiest things elude me.