Catharsis

I am all moved out of my old apt. There is a small part of me that is vaguely sad about this, bc when I moved into that bldg I had such a different plan for my life & moving to a completely new town by myself wasn't part of the plan.

But that is only a tiny sliver of me that feels like that. And it's not so much sadness; more like nostalgia. I look back on the person I was back then & I am a little wistful @ how unsuspecting I was, how unprepared for what waited for me. So it's not so much that I am sad but more that I wish I had not had to go through that time in my life. I don't still want to be with YKW anymore but I do wish I could just erase him from ever having been a part of my life.

My new place feels like the cherry on the sundae of my reconstructed life. I like to think of myself now as a phoenix rising from the ashes. In part, I like it bc it seems very fitting. The other part of why I like it is bc everyone knows Jean Gray as the Phoenix was exceptionally kick ass, so I like the comparison.

But in reality, I like that I am here bc I chose to be here, not because I had to figure out what to do bc my life was falling apart. I like knowing that I am back to myself again. I like knowing that I am happy again and that I am making decisions on what I want for me.

I feel like moving was the final purge of the last remaining thing from my old life. It was the catharsis I needed to finally close that chapter on my life forever. And I am okay with that. This new chapter is looking really good so far. I started a new decade in my life (30 this year), I have a new place, I have new hobbies (I have taken up running), I have recently been on a few dates with a really cool guy, I have a new county I am working in...things have been pretty damn good. Moving was the final thing I needed to really seal the deal & add the finishing touch on my new, happier, & more fulfilling life.

Here's to my future.