I'm a grumpy-pants lately

I have kind of wanted to punch everyone lately.  This is because my thyroid medication is definitely off.  As a result, my mood starts to suffer and I get seriously edgy.  Like I have been lately.  So, I end up having zero patience and then everyone gets on my nerves immediately.  


This is a problem at work, since dealing w/ my clients requires patience.  So far I've been okay at keeping it in check and not revealing the fact that I want to push people over all the time.  Just secretly, inside, I'm constantly thinking, "Shut up! Stop talking! I'm annoyed with you..."  To be fair, I think that about most people when my thyroid meds are off, but at least I can tell other people (like Hat and my co-workers) that I'm crabby due to that reason.  I generally don't discuss my medical issues w/ my clients, however, so I end up biting my tongue quite often and reminding myself that I've got my doctor's appointment in a few days so I will stop feeling so ragey soon enough. 


Some things will always annoy me, though, regardless of whether my meds are right or not.  Such as the clients who begin their first conversations with me by informing me that they have already spoken with some other attorney that they sort of know and that attorney told them that they should tell me to do X, Y, or Z on their case.  Yeah?? Well, go hire that attorney then.  Otherwise, let me do my damn job.


I have no problem if people want to take what I tell them and go get a second opinion.  That's fine.  But, then, if you decide you dislike my advice, don't come back and tell me that some other attorney would do it this way or that way so I should do it like that too.  No, I shouldn't. If you prefer some other attorney's advice/case strategy, then go hire them.  But I'm not them.  Don't tell me what I need to do based on what someone else told you.  I don't need to do anything that I don't think it appropriate--you need to go hire them if you like them better.  Trust me, I won't be offended.  


That being said, I did find out today that my reputation as an attorney precedes me.  And in a good way, not in a terrifying, rumor-filled sort of way.  I recently learned that when one of my clients found out that I was their public defender, they were very happy because they had heard I am nice and that I am a good attorney.  I do try to be nice, so that's probably a fair assessment.   Even when I'm low on thyroid meds and feeling full of rage, I still try to be nice to my clients.  Not nice in a lie-to-them-and/or-give-them-unrealistic-assessments-of-their-cases sort of way.  Nice in an understanding-listen-to-them-explain-things-thoroughly-break-bad-news-gently-to-them sort of way.  


Am I a good attorney?  I think I'm fairly decent.  I know my stuff and I know enough to know what I don't know and I go find it out if I don't know it.  But, I certainly don't think I'm amazing.  I've heard this before from other clients--the buzz at the jail for awhile was that I was "the good public defender"--and I always think this is probably more of a situation of me being nice and that being translated into me being some amazing attorney or something.  I can name many, many more attorneys who are much more polished than I am in court.  There are many attorneys who know case law citations in their heads.  I see much more eloquent and smooth-talking attorneys in court than I sound.  I've read transcripts of myself in court--that's never not-embarrassing.  So, I think I'm a solid attorney.  I think I'm good in the sense that I am not a dolt and if you ask me to explain something to you, I generally know enough about it to explain it.  But, I don't characterize myself as some fantastic courtroom presence or something.  I'd rank myself as average, especially because I'm still a relatively new attorney.  Some things you just have to learn by experience and I've only got 2 years of experience. 


But, it's nice to know that my clients are generally happy with my representation of them on their cases.  Obviously if my incoming clients are hearing that I'm nice and good, that must mean that my current and/or former clients are satisfied.  And that's more important to me than being all smooth and fancy in court.  Because let's face it--I probably won't ever be all smooth and fancy in court.  I'm the same girl who complains about having to wear pants and would totally have pajamas on under my robe if I were a judge.  Smooth and fancy just aren't in my realm.  It's a victory if I don't say "uuuuhhhhh" more than 10 times in one court hearing. 


And in other news, WTF is up with the Twins?? Shameful lately!! Incredibly shameful.  But, at least I'm kicking butt in fantasy baseball.  My record so far is 2-1 and it looks like this week will make it 3-1.  So, at least there's that. 

I get to see Cider on Sunday!!!!!

Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm the big 2-8 now.  It was a pretty awesome birthday.  I played video games for most of the morning, then watched the Twins game.  They won, which was exciting.  Then I went to JoAnn Fabrics because I wanted to try to sew some more since Hat got me this sweet sewing box as my birthday present: 

Since it's now a whole lot easier to move my sewing stuff around, I feel like I will be much more inclined to sew.  I didn't have anything transportable to keep my sewing stuff in so I would have to make several trips back and forth to get everything.  Not anymore!  Hat even made sure to purchase all the thread that is in the second picture, along with a seam gauge, a pair of scissors, and a seam ripper.  Plus a gift card to be able to take a class at JoAnn's.  Very thoughtful! 

After JoAnn's, we went to the place nearby that sells pottery that you can paint.  That was a lot of fun.  I had an after-hours get-together, so it was all private and no one else could come into the store.  Very cool!  And my friends all had fun, which I wasn't sure if they would since not everyone's into painting pottery.  Then, they came over to my place to eat some delicious, Hat-made food and chill.  

It was an excellent, relaxing birthday.  Just what I needed! 

Cider was discharged from the hospital today!!!! Best! News! Ever!

Maybe the stupid weather is why I've been gloomy lately. Hawaii will help.

My thyroid medicine is off again. 


I know this because lately I keep having these depressing/crappy thoughts pop into my head that generally don't come to mind when my levels are normal.  Things like, "Good gracious, I have to go to work for 40 hours a week for the rest of my life?! Who made that rule? Effing a, this sucks balls."  and "Damnit, being a grown-up blows a lot more than I ever anticipated as a kid."  While those things are true, I generally don't dwell on them and they aren't a cause for me to feel grumpy.  Not the case lately, where I feel grumpy and out-of-sorts about it.  So, I scheduled a doctor's appointment--it's that time of the year anyway--in a couple weeks and they'll stab me a few times in an attempt to get my blood and then call me in a few days and tell me what I already know--that my medicine is off again.  I wish I could skip the stabbing part of it, but apparently that's necessary.  LAME. 

It was 70 on Tuesday. Today it snowed enough to collect on the ground. I hate you, Minnesota.

Updates

Hat and I recently went to Dave and Buster's to take my mom out for her birthday.  She very rarely gets to do anything fun, so we thought it would be a good time for her.  It was--she had a lot of fun.  We also had a lot of fun.  And, in exciting news, we managed to win enough prize tickets to score this sweet 4-person picnic set: 

Really what sold me was the mini salt and pepper shakers.  They are soooo adorable! What can I say?  I like things in miniature.  So, now Hat and I can go on picnics and/or camping.  Which is pretty cool. 

In other news, technology and I have not been getting along well lately.  In the last week, both my work computer and my cell phone have gotten all weird and janky on me.  I've spent crazy amounts of time on the phone w/ IT at work dealing w/ the computer.  And I spent like an hour+ dealing w/ my stupid phone.  I don't understand why technology constantly needs to revolt against me, but it does.  And I hate it.  I'm going to end up prematurely being one of those people who are all like, "What? What's this new-fangled gadget? What's wrong with my 8-track? Bleeeeehhh...."  

Work has been rather calm lately, strangely enough.  It's refreshing.  I haven't felt like crying or punching the wall in frustration in like a month.  Actually, I think it was the murder trial that has helped the situation, oddly enough.  It appears (although I'm not positive) that I was not getting assigned nearly as many cases as normal while I was in trial, so when I was done with the murder trial, I came back to a mass of paperwork, but not very many new files.  So, this allowed me to 1) catch up on the stuff that had come in while I was in trial and 2) not have a billion court appearances right afterwards so I could really actually catch up on stuff.  So, I have been able to be ready and prepared in court and I've had time to meet with my clients and do other out-of-court work on the cases.  So, that's been nice and different.  It's nice not to want to run screaming out of the office because I hate everything ever.  

Its finally started to warm up in MN. It's amazing how much happier I feel just from being in the warmth and the sunshine. 1000 times more happiness daily.

Does anyone who isn't a Yankee fan not just despise the Yankees? They are so hideous.

Television affected me more than I knew

So, upon starting to re-watch My So-Called Life, I have realized that two things from this show have affected me forever.  The first is my desire to be a redhead.  The color that Angela Chase dyes her hair in the first episode is the color I have constantly tried to replicate in my own life.  The second is my never-ending crush on Jared Leto--or more accurately, on Jordan Catalano.   No matter what Jared Leto does, I always sort of have a crush on him. 

Not too exciting

Baseball makes me happy.  I'm so glad it's back on so I can watch it again, even though the Twins lost miserably on their first two games. 


Other than that, I currently have nothing else to report.  Everything has been fairly mellow lately.  Which is a nice change of pace, for sure.  There's a chance I'll be in yet another trial tomorrow, since we're #2 on the list and I don't know what's going on with the #1 case.  If that happens, things will get frenetic again because I'll quite likely get behind in things at work again.  But, that's just the way things go when you're in trial--kind of everyone expects and understands that. 


And, that's about all that there is.  I'm boring right now, but that's okay.