Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Just breathe
We're starting couples' counseling on Thursday. I convinced Hat to go by asking him to at least go with me so that someone, some third party, could help me understand his reasons for leaving. Shockingly, just hearing that he's "done" and doesn't want to try to fix things because he "doesn't want to" or because he "doesn't have the energy" isn't exactly enough of an answer for me. So, he agreed to go to counseling but ONLY for the purpose of having a therapist help me understand why he's leaving. He's also agreed to get a screening for depression, since pretty much everyone who knows him has asked if that is the problem.
I'm not sure what to expect at this counseling session. It's only our first one, so I suppose not a whole lot will get accomplished. But, I'm still nervous about it. I'm always nervous about stuff like that.
In the meantime, I'm trying to maintain my happy demeanor in front of Hat as much as possible. So far, I've been pretty successful. And actually, he's warmed up to me a lot lately, which I think is a good sign. On Tuesday night, we went out after he got off work and ate a late dinner. Some time during that night, he put his wedding ring back on. We didn't discuss it or anything, he just had it back on once we got home (we drove separate since he was coming straight from work). I asked him about it a couple of days later and he said he put it back on because I had asked him to (back on September 23...which he didn't do until just this last Tuesday, so I don't know if I believe that's the only reason he put it back on). And on Saturday, we went out to dinner and a comedy show and had a very nice time. It wasn't super romantic or anything, but it was fun and at the end of the night, he was much more like his old self--at one point in time he even called me by his nickname for me (possibly out of habit without even realizing it) and before I went to bed, he asked me for a hug twice. So, as hard as it is to pretend to be fine and happy and like nothing is bothering me, I think it's actually making things better at home since I'm not constantly sobbing.
I am cautiously, slightly hopeful that we may still work things out. We are still married until we're not and if we stick to the original plan to wait to file for the divorce until the end of our lease, we've got a long, long time (like until July 31, 2012) before we're officially done. He decided in less than a month he wanted a divorce, so it's not a crazy to think that a lot can happen in 10 months. Especially if part of the problem is undiagnosed depression on his part. Considering he has a substantial family history of it (meaning every male on his mom's side and his mom), it's a possibility. So, I'm trying to work on getting myself prepared for the worst (divorce) but hoping for the best (reconciliation and continuation of our marriage). Who knows what will ultimately happen, but I can't at this point in time just throw my hands up in the air and say, "Oh well!" We've got almost a year still before we'd be divorced--who knows what can happen in that time? So, I am going to try to continue to keep my crying in check for the time being and see what comes of the counseling/depression screening.
I refuse to give up that easily. I'm not ready to concede defeat just yet.
I'm not sure what to expect at this counseling session. It's only our first one, so I suppose not a whole lot will get accomplished. But, I'm still nervous about it. I'm always nervous about stuff like that.
In the meantime, I'm trying to maintain my happy demeanor in front of Hat as much as possible. So far, I've been pretty successful. And actually, he's warmed up to me a lot lately, which I think is a good sign. On Tuesday night, we went out after he got off work and ate a late dinner. Some time during that night, he put his wedding ring back on. We didn't discuss it or anything, he just had it back on once we got home (we drove separate since he was coming straight from work). I asked him about it a couple of days later and he said he put it back on because I had asked him to (back on September 23...which he didn't do until just this last Tuesday, so I don't know if I believe that's the only reason he put it back on). And on Saturday, we went out to dinner and a comedy show and had a very nice time. It wasn't super romantic or anything, but it was fun and at the end of the night, he was much more like his old self--at one point in time he even called me by his nickname for me (possibly out of habit without even realizing it) and before I went to bed, he asked me for a hug twice. So, as hard as it is to pretend to be fine and happy and like nothing is bothering me, I think it's actually making things better at home since I'm not constantly sobbing.
I am cautiously, slightly hopeful that we may still work things out. We are still married until we're not and if we stick to the original plan to wait to file for the divorce until the end of our lease, we've got a long, long time (like until July 31, 2012) before we're officially done. He decided in less than a month he wanted a divorce, so it's not a crazy to think that a lot can happen in 10 months. Especially if part of the problem is undiagnosed depression on his part. Considering he has a substantial family history of it (meaning every male on his mom's side and his mom), it's a possibility. So, I'm trying to work on getting myself prepared for the worst (divorce) but hoping for the best (reconciliation and continuation of our marriage). Who knows what will ultimately happen, but I can't at this point in time just throw my hands up in the air and say, "Oh well!" We've got almost a year still before we'd be divorced--who knows what can happen in that time? So, I am going to try to continue to keep my crying in check for the time being and see what comes of the counseling/depression screening.
I refuse to give up that easily. I'm not ready to concede defeat just yet.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Coping
Well, it's been a long week and a half, to be sure. It hasn't been all bad, although a lot of it has been bad. I'm trying to just focus on what makes me happy (outside of my marriage, obviously) and try to do those things. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude each day, even though that sometimes feels impossible. Work helps somewhat, since it can at least distract me for a bit. But, it's never a total distraction because the situation with Hat is always on my mind, just in the background. But, I'm trying.
The worst part is that the loneliness that accompanies this is so incredible and profound. Even when I have my wonderful, supportive, caring friends helping me, with me, making sure I'm functioning, etc, there is still this constant sense of loneliness over me. When I'm alone, at night especially, it becomes almost overwhelming how alone I feel. Although I know logically that I'm not the only person who has ever had their spouse divorce them, it feels like I am the only one.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Second verse, same as the first
I worked from home today because yesterday I couldn't manage to get through one hour without having to go into the bathroom to cry. I just accepted the fact that I would be crying again today and since I didn't have court today, I worked from home to avoid crying at work.
Due to our current financial situation, neither one of us can just walk out the door right now. Which means that for the time being, Hat's moved into the den--which is actually a second bedroom but which we use as a den--and I'm left in our bedroom, alone. I had to rearrange the room just to make it so that I could be in there by myself, because leaving it like it always had been felt too horrible. It still feels horrible, but now it's a different kind of horrible. It's the kind of horrible where I know it's only like this because the other way was even more horrible.
Due to our current financial situation, neither one of us can just walk out the door right now. Which means that for the time being, Hat's moved into the den--which is actually a second bedroom but which we use as a den--and I'm left in our bedroom, alone. I had to rearrange the room just to make it so that I could be in there by myself, because leaving it like it always had been felt too horrible. It still feels horrible, but now it's a different kind of horrible. It's the kind of horrible where I know it's only like this because the other way was even more horrible.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
"Heartbroken" doesn't begin to cover it
Out of the blue, Hat has decided that he wants a divorce. I am at a loss as to what to do. I'm physically sick about it and I haven't eaten since he told me because I don't think I can keep it down.
I didn't notice anything was wrong. We haven't been fighting. We've been having a good summer together, going on trips and vacations. I thought we were doing just fine. But apparently not. So, he wants a divorce now.
In the process of this revelation, he has cut off everyone he knows. He isn't really talking to his friends much, his dad has told me that he isn't responding to his dad's texts/phone calls, he disabled his facebook account because he "didn't want people to attack" him through facebook, etc., etc. He also can't explain to me why he wants a divorce other than he's "not happy." When I ask him what he means by that, he says he doesn't know. When I asked him if he thought that a divorce would make him happy, he said he didn't know. He also doesn't have any plan on what he wants to do after we separate--he doesn't know where he will live, how he will pay his bills (since I'm the one who is the financial support in the house at the moment while he's attending school), where he will get health insurance or car insurance, nothing...he hasn't thought about anything practical. Everyone who knows him is having the same reaction, which is, "What?! This is so out of character for him!!"
The thing that makes this so much worse is that I asked him if we could try to work on it--couple counseling, etc, anything. He said he didn't have the energy to try. So, although we've only been married for a little over 2 years, he's just crapping out without even trying. It's miserable.
I can't stand how much this hurts. It's the worse feeling I've ever had in my entire life. I wish I could make it go away, even just for a few minutes. I can't even get any relief from sleep--I keep having dreams about this situation! It's a never ending horror.
I didn't notice anything was wrong. We haven't been fighting. We've been having a good summer together, going on trips and vacations. I thought we were doing just fine. But apparently not. So, he wants a divorce now.
In the process of this revelation, he has cut off everyone he knows. He isn't really talking to his friends much, his dad has told me that he isn't responding to his dad's texts/phone calls, he disabled his facebook account because he "didn't want people to attack" him through facebook, etc., etc. He also can't explain to me why he wants a divorce other than he's "not happy." When I ask him what he means by that, he says he doesn't know. When I asked him if he thought that a divorce would make him happy, he said he didn't know. He also doesn't have any plan on what he wants to do after we separate--he doesn't know where he will live, how he will pay his bills (since I'm the one who is the financial support in the house at the moment while he's attending school), where he will get health insurance or car insurance, nothing...he hasn't thought about anything practical. Everyone who knows him is having the same reaction, which is, "What?! This is so out of character for him!!"
The thing that makes this so much worse is that I asked him if we could try to work on it--couple counseling, etc, anything. He said he didn't have the energy to try. So, although we've only been married for a little over 2 years, he's just crapping out without even trying. It's miserable.
I can't stand how much this hurts. It's the worse feeling I've ever had in my entire life. I wish I could make it go away, even just for a few minutes. I can't even get any relief from sleep--I keep having dreams about this situation! It's a never ending horror.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Client Archetypes
The court system can quite often feel like a never-ending treadmill. There's so many people going through it and it never stops. The interesting thing is that although there are so many people from so many different walks of life, there seems to be some typical characters who make up the public defender clients. These people are not the majority of clients, by any means. But, the typical behaviors of these people are so consistent from each one to the next that I've started to create categories for them in my mind. Here are the 9 categories for the various types of clients:
1. The Panicker--This client requires a lot of hand-holding (figuratively, not literally). Every time they call, it is an emergency. They will leave breathless, anxious, rapid-fire messages about how they must speak with you immediately, regardless of the fact that you've told them many times that you are in court a lot of the day and may not be able to get to their call immediately. When they can't reach you on your line, they will call the front office staff and leave them the same message--it's an emergency. If you don't call back within 10 minutes, they will start calling you every 10-20 minutes and either hanging up when the voicemail kicks in or before then. They are not anxious or panicked in the way you might normally expect a person to be when charged with a crime. They are anxious and panicked no matter what you do or say, no matter how much you talk with them or reassure them, no matter what you do, they remain panicked. They are exceptionally needy as clients and are never satisfied, since they constantly are filled with panic.
1. The Panicker--This client requires a lot of hand-holding (figuratively, not literally). Every time they call, it is an emergency. They will leave breathless, anxious, rapid-fire messages about how they must speak with you immediately, regardless of the fact that you've told them many times that you are in court a lot of the day and may not be able to get to their call immediately. When they can't reach you on your line, they will call the front office staff and leave them the same message--it's an emergency. If you don't call back within 10 minutes, they will start calling you every 10-20 minutes and either hanging up when the voicemail kicks in or before then. They are not anxious or panicked in the way you might normally expect a person to be when charged with a crime. They are anxious and panicked no matter what you do or say, no matter how much you talk with them or reassure them, no matter what you do, they remain panicked. They are exceptionally needy as clients and are never satisfied, since they constantly are filled with panic.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Oh yeah, I almost forgot...
One of my non-lawyer friends said something very funny the other day, which I needed to share:
This weekend, I was telling my friend how I had just recently gotten assigned to an attempted first degree murder case. I said that I'd already done a first degree murder case in February and now I had an attempted murder case in the same year. My friend's response was, "So, is that like hitting for the cycle* in a lawyer's world?"
*"Hitting for the cycle" is a baseball term that refers to a situation in which a player hits a single, double, triple, and a home run all in the same game.
This weekend, I was telling my friend how I had just recently gotten assigned to an attempted first degree murder case. I said that I'd already done a first degree murder case in February and now I had an attempted murder case in the same year. My friend's response was, "So, is that like hitting for the cycle* in a lawyer's world?"
*"Hitting for the cycle" is a baseball term that refers to a situation in which a player hits a single, double, triple, and a home run all in the same game.
The "Public Defender" title
So, within the last year or so, the court in one of the counties where I work has put together a panel of volunteer attorneys that are willing to help out by covering low-level misdemeanor cases. This is to help alleviate some of the less serious cases that are usually assigned to the public defenders. The volunteer attorneys step in and take on some of these misdemeanors, meaning that the public defenders have fewer cases. So, it's basically a panel of volunteer defense attorneys that handle cases for public-defender eligible clients to help out the PD's office.
A few of these panel attorneys call themselves "volunteer public defenders." This bothers me. It bothers me for a few reasons.
A few of these panel attorneys call themselves "volunteer public defenders." This bothers me. It bothers me for a few reasons.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Best. Video. Ever
Monday, August 08, 2011
Excellent Monday
Well, as far as Mondays go, this one was pretty good. And for those of you who aren't from Minnesota, when a Minnesotan says something is "pretty good," that means it's excellent. If something is actually pretty good, then we will say it was "not bad."
Today started off with a jury trial that I knew was not going to go to trial. One, because someone else was going to trial and two, because my client had indicated that he wasn't really into having a trial if it could be avoided. So, I had already talked to the prosecutor about giving my client a continuance for dismissal on his case, which he agreed to. So, my client's felony case is now a continuance for dismissal, which is awesome. Especially awesome because that prevents him from getting in trouble with immigration courts because, as I have found out since Padilla, everything gets you deported whether you are here legally or illegally. Even two petty misdemeanor shoplifting tickets can be enough to get you deported. It's a bit extreme. So, the continuance helps my client out with that, too.
Then, at my next hearing for the day, where my client had a pretty serious drug charge, I managed to get her bail reduced by 90%--a rare feat in most of my cases. I was pretty surprised that the court went ahead and reduced the bail. I had prepared my client to not be surprised if they found themselves with the same bail or such a slight reduction that it made no difference. So when the bail was reduced that significantly, I was pretty surprised and my client was understandably pretty happy.
My last hearing of the day was a misdemeanor. It's a rather classic situation: the allegations are that my client caught their partner with someone else, so they alleged beat the someone else up. It's too bad that "they deserved it" isn't a defense sometimes, you know? But, my client had no criminal history and the allegations lined up for some pretty awesome facts for us at trial, since I think I'd have a good shot at getting at least one person on our side with that kind of scenario. So, I asked the prosecutor if he'd go for a continuance for dismissal and--bam!--he did! Two for two in one day on the continuances for dismissal! So, again my client was very happy about the outcome.
Oh, yeah, and I have hot new hair since I dyed it this weekend. So, I was looking supa-fly. But, that's pretty much a given.
So, overall, a pretty sweet Monday.
Sidenote--it's come to my attention that, given my extreme dislike for regular pants (sooo uncomfortable and constricting!!), I will at some point in time need to break down and buy myself a pair of pajama jeans. Shameful?? Maybe a bit. But, if they really do look like real jeans, that would make them less shameful than the Snuggie, (of which I own three!!) since it wouldn't be immediately apparent that it was that thing from TV. It'll happen eventually. When it does, I'll be sure to let you all know if they are as magical as they seem.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
If I were a cat, things would be awesome.
It's no secret that I'm rather hedonistic. I'm fully aware of that. However, if was only when Hat pointed out to me recently that I'm the only person he knows who hates sweating that I realized just how intensely I despise things that aren't pleasurable. There are many things that I really hate and that I am incredibly annoyed with that apparently other people don't think about. Like sweating.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Blah
So lately I've been feeling very blah. I'm not sure why. It's not low thyroid meds, since I'm on a new dose and have been for awhile and I'm feeling better overall now. So it's not that. I'm not sure what the problem is.
I've been feeling just kind of bored with everything, I guess. There's not anything in particular that is wrong. It's just sort of routine and boring. I feel like it's my own personal "Groundhog's Day." Every day seems to bleed into the next one and the next and the next.
I can't say I'm unhappy necessarily. I'm just bored. Everything is fine. Work has been the best (read: least overwhelming and fewest crying sessions) that it has been pretty much since I started. Hat is still wonderful as always. We aren't lacking for anything and we have most of the creature comforts that you'd expect--cable, internet, big ol' TV (thanks again, Dad!), video game systems, functioning cars (with warranties still for extra bonuses), etc, etc. But, I'm still bored/blah.
I sort of wonder if the problem is that I'm out of goals. I've accomplished the major life goals I set for myself when I was younger. Go to college--check. Go to law school--check. Get a good job making decent money/not be on welfare like I was as a child--check. Get a job as a public defender--check. Get married to someone awesome--check. Aaaaand now I'm done...so, I'm supposed to be basking in the gloriousness of my accomplishments. Instead, I'm constantly thinking, "This is it? Getting up at 5:00 a.m. is not what I'd expected as basking in the gloriousness..." It's a lot less spectacular than I had expected.
And being a grown-up is a total rip-off. It's no where near as awesome as I thought it would be when I was a kid. Being a grown-up was supposed to be full of no bedtimes, no rules, and having so much fun because I could do whatever I wanted. None of those things are true. I do have a bedtime, since I have to get up so early for work. There are rules, like that I have to wear a suitcoat all the time at work (barf) and I have to have insurance on my car (expensive). And it's not so much fun because I can't do whatever I want. I have to do things that I need to do or am supposed to do. Someone should have told me that being a grown-up is not nearly as sweet and magical as it seemed. Instead it's full of responsibilities and bills and work and buying toilet paper. Ugh...
So, maybe it's that I'm out of goals now and I expected it to be way more chock-full of awesomeness than it is. Maybe it's that being a grown-up isn't as fun as I thought it would be. Maybe it's because doing the mundane things, like buying toilet paper and toothpaste and paying bills and getting an oil change, are just that--mundane.
I'm not sure what the problem is but I wish it would go away. Part of me feels like telling the other part of my to STFU because nothing is wrong so just be happy w/ that. But the other part of my is still bored and I can't shake it. I wish I knew how because I would really like to not be bored anymore. It sucks.
I've been feeling just kind of bored with everything, I guess. There's not anything in particular that is wrong. It's just sort of routine and boring. I feel like it's my own personal "Groundhog's Day." Every day seems to bleed into the next one and the next and the next.
I can't say I'm unhappy necessarily. I'm just bored. Everything is fine. Work has been the best (read: least overwhelming and fewest crying sessions) that it has been pretty much since I started. Hat is still wonderful as always. We aren't lacking for anything and we have most of the creature comforts that you'd expect--cable, internet, big ol' TV (thanks again, Dad!), video game systems, functioning cars (with warranties still for extra bonuses), etc, etc. But, I'm still bored/blah.
I sort of wonder if the problem is that I'm out of goals. I've accomplished the major life goals I set for myself when I was younger. Go to college--check. Go to law school--check. Get a good job making decent money/not be on welfare like I was as a child--check. Get a job as a public defender--check. Get married to someone awesome--check. Aaaaand now I'm done...so, I'm supposed to be basking in the gloriousness of my accomplishments. Instead, I'm constantly thinking, "This is it? Getting up at 5:00 a.m. is not what I'd expected as basking in the gloriousness..." It's a lot less spectacular than I had expected.
And being a grown-up is a total rip-off. It's no where near as awesome as I thought it would be when I was a kid. Being a grown-up was supposed to be full of no bedtimes, no rules, and having so much fun because I could do whatever I wanted. None of those things are true. I do have a bedtime, since I have to get up so early for work. There are rules, like that I have to wear a suitcoat all the time at work (barf) and I have to have insurance on my car (expensive). And it's not so much fun because I can't do whatever I want. I have to do things that I need to do or am supposed to do. Someone should have told me that being a grown-up is not nearly as sweet and magical as it seemed. Instead it's full of responsibilities and bills and work and buying toilet paper. Ugh...
So, maybe it's that I'm out of goals now and I expected it to be way more chock-full of awesomeness than it is. Maybe it's that being a grown-up isn't as fun as I thought it would be. Maybe it's because doing the mundane things, like buying toilet paper and toothpaste and paying bills and getting an oil change, are just that--mundane.
I'm not sure what the problem is but I wish it would go away. Part of me feels like telling the other part of my to STFU because nothing is wrong so just be happy w/ that. But the other part of my is still bored and I can't shake it. I wish I knew how because I would really like to not be bored anymore. It sucks.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
And I'm exhausted...
I worked out today for the first time in forever. Ever since the car accident, I've been really out of shape so I decided now was the time to get back into shape. But, I forgot how freaking hard that is!! I did a lot of squats and lunges and now I can barely move. I'm like a little old lady, hobbling around. It's pathetic how out of shape I am...
In other news: it looks like the MN state government shutdown is going to be at an end soon. Thankfully, I wasn't directly affected by it since the public defenders were considered essential services and constitutionally required to continue functioning. But, it was still frustrating that we had to deal with this again (there was a partial shutdown in 2005). The news came out today that the governor and the leaders of the two houses had reached an agreement so apparently the shutdown will end soon.
Things at work have settled into a pretty steady routine, which is a nice change of pace. I'm hesitantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and the hellhole of too many cases with no time and me freaking out and crying to revive itself, but I'm enjoying the current state of affairs. I've got regular office days since January, so I have been able to establish a routine where I met my clients at their first court date w/ an attorney and then I set up a meeting with them on one of my regular office days. I can also use my office days to review the audio/video before the omnibus hearing so I can actually KNOW if there are any omnibus issues before we get to court. Shocking!!
The nice thing is that I haven't had to ask for a continuance due to not being prepared in months. When I do need a continuance, it's been for the client's reasons--in the hospital; sick; etc. Not "I'm not prepared because I didn't get a chance to look at this case..." It's really been nice to be able to find a groove after like 2+ years of feeling like I'm constantly being pulled apart in 50 different directions. I still have overwhelming days, but the frantic feeling of "OMG I can't handle this" has subsided.
I also recently won an omnibus hearing and got my client's case dismissed for lack of probable cause. That was very, very exciting. When I saw that, I actually gasped and clapped my hands over my mouth in disbelief. I was so surprised in a freaking awesome way. I won against one of my favorite prosecutors, who is super crazy smart, so that was both fun and awesome. The best part of all was the judge dismissed it for a reason that I didn't even argue. Ahahahaha! Excellent. I think that is the first felony omnibus hearing I've had, so it was pretty sweet to win it. I'm killing it lately. I won my first felony trial, then my second one, and now I've won my first omnibus hearing. Feels good to know I'm not wiping out on these felonies like I worried about when I first started doing them.
It's very weird that I just started doing felonies a year ago. In fact, it was almost exactly a year ago. I took over in July and last July was full of panic attacks and crying and looking/feeling like a moron in court. I didn't think that w/in a year, I'd have a perfect trial record and feel competent enough to work on felonies w/o constantly needing to ask other attorneys for help.
And I've enjoyed working with the prosecutors in the county attorney's office, too. It's really nice to be on good terms w/ the opposing side, since I've never understood why some people feel like they have to be at war all the time w/ the other side. I get frustrated when other attorneys take that attitude because I find it very unnecessary. I mean, as much as I love what I do and as much as I value the work and the principles behind it, at the end of the day, it's my job not my life. So, if I win or lose, I still go home at the end of the day and watch "Teen Mom." I don't need to hate the opposition because they have their job to do. And thankfully, the county attorneys I work with seem to have the same perspective on things. So, we can get stuff resolved pretty often and they were very understanding when I first started and didn't know what the heck I was doing.
All of those things--finally having regular office days; finding my groove at work; and having good relationships with the prosecutors--have really taken a huge chunk of the stress away. I haven't cried at work in like 4 months or more!
I worked out today for the first time in forever. Ever since the car accident, I've been really out of shape so I decided now was the time to get back into shape. But, I forgot how freaking hard that is!! I did a lot of squats and lunges and now I can barely move. I'm like a little old lady, hobbling around. It's pathetic how out of shape I am...
In other news: it looks like the MN state government shutdown is going to be at an end soon. Thankfully, I wasn't directly affected by it since the public defenders were considered essential services and constitutionally required to continue functioning. But, it was still frustrating that we had to deal with this again (there was a partial shutdown in 2005). The news came out today that the governor and the leaders of the two houses had reached an agreement so apparently the shutdown will end soon.
Things at work have settled into a pretty steady routine, which is a nice change of pace. I'm hesitantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and the hellhole of too many cases with no time and me freaking out and crying to revive itself, but I'm enjoying the current state of affairs. I've got regular office days since January, so I have been able to establish a routine where I met my clients at their first court date w/ an attorney and then I set up a meeting with them on one of my regular office days. I can also use my office days to review the audio/video before the omnibus hearing so I can actually KNOW if there are any omnibus issues before we get to court. Shocking!!
The nice thing is that I haven't had to ask for a continuance due to not being prepared in months. When I do need a continuance, it's been for the client's reasons--in the hospital; sick; etc. Not "I'm not prepared because I didn't get a chance to look at this case..." It's really been nice to be able to find a groove after like 2+ years of feeling like I'm constantly being pulled apart in 50 different directions. I still have overwhelming days, but the frantic feeling of "OMG I can't handle this" has subsided.
I also recently won an omnibus hearing and got my client's case dismissed for lack of probable cause. That was very, very exciting. When I saw that, I actually gasped and clapped my hands over my mouth in disbelief. I was so surprised in a freaking awesome way. I won against one of my favorite prosecutors, who is super crazy smart, so that was both fun and awesome. The best part of all was the judge dismissed it for a reason that I didn't even argue. Ahahahaha! Excellent. I think that is the first felony omnibus hearing I've had, so it was pretty sweet to win it. I'm killing it lately. I won my first felony trial, then my second one, and now I've won my first omnibus hearing. Feels good to know I'm not wiping out on these felonies like I worried about when I first started doing them.
It's very weird that I just started doing felonies a year ago. In fact, it was almost exactly a year ago. I took over in July and last July was full of panic attacks and crying and looking/feeling like a moron in court. I didn't think that w/in a year, I'd have a perfect trial record and feel competent enough to work on felonies w/o constantly needing to ask other attorneys for help.
And I've enjoyed working with the prosecutors in the county attorney's office, too. It's really nice to be on good terms w/ the opposing side, since I've never understood why some people feel like they have to be at war all the time w/ the other side. I get frustrated when other attorneys take that attitude because I find it very unnecessary. I mean, as much as I love what I do and as much as I value the work and the principles behind it, at the end of the day, it's my job not my life. So, if I win or lose, I still go home at the end of the day and watch "Teen Mom." I don't need to hate the opposition because they have their job to do. And thankfully, the county attorneys I work with seem to have the same perspective on things. So, we can get stuff resolved pretty often and they were very understanding when I first started and didn't know what the heck I was doing.
All of those things--finally having regular office days; finding my groove at work; and having good relationships with the prosecutors--have really taken a huge chunk of the stress away. I haven't cried at work in like 4 months or more!
Friday, July 01, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Upheaval
Upheaval is like the trend this June, apparently. There's a bunch of things currently in the middle of upheaving (is that a word?? It is now...) and it's messing with my brain.
Thing 1: Impending state government shutdown
(Read more about it here)
In a very short nutshell, the state government has till July 1 to pass a budget for the next fiscal year. As an aside, I never thought I'd use the term "fiscal year" since that has to do w/ math and economics and business and I'mincredibly slightly deficient in those areas. At any rate, if there's no budget passed, there's no money for government services and the state shuts down. Meaning every state employee (including this girl!) gets laid off. At least, in theory. In reality, there's a court hearing next Thursday to determine what services are "essential" and need to continue to run even if there is a shutdown and PDs are among those. You know, that whole "constitutionally required" thing...
So, we all got layoff notices (I pointed out to Hat that since I technically was hired w/ the understanding I would be laid off in July of 2009, it made sense I was finally getting my layoff notice!). And then we all just kind of collectively shrugged our shoulders because it's pretty unlikely the courts and the PDs would shut down. So, while nothing has been decided yet, almost no one is panicking about it. It is still a bit freaky when you think about it though.
Also, I don't think I've ever gotten a layoff notice before. It's nice to know that my first one really isn't that serious.
Thing 2:
The attorney who left last July and whose cases I took over in the Great Felony Dump of 2010 is returning, along w/ a few other attorneys who took leaves of absences last July in order to save other people's jobs (meaning: my job!). This doesn't appear to be an issue as far as me getting laid off now that she's coming back (except for in the event of a state government shutdown, of course!). Rather, it appears that there will now be too many attorneys in the county I'm currently working in. There would be a total of 5 of us in one county. This attorney isn't coming back to take the felony caseload back--she's actually going to be doing another attorney's caseload.
So, that means that someone needs to be removed from the county and moved somewhere else. And it's either me or the other attorney whose caseload is being taken over by Returning Attorney. My vote is for other attorney.
Oddly enough, I seriously doubt if you told me I'd want to stay on the felony caseload about a year ago, when I was crying basically every day and hyperventilating in panic, I would have punched you in the face for even suggesting such a thing. However, after a year of felonies, I kind of have my groove down now. I've got a great schedule worked out w/ court administration. I'm available for court hearings M-W and the first and third Friday of the month. Thursdays and the second and fourth Fridays are my office days/jail visit days. Arguments about scheduling have pretty much entirely ceased since about last December.
I got my formula down for how I handle the cases--meet clients at the Rule 8 hearings, schedule office meetings with them to discuss their cases, work on resolutions and/or trial. I've got great relationships with the prosecuting attorneys and we get like 99.9% of our cases resolved in a way that my clients are satisfied with the outcomes. And, somehow, I've gotten the reputation of being one of the good public defenders, so I take that as proof that my clients really are satisfied w/ the work I've been doing.
And, let's not forget, I'm undefeated in felony trials. I just have one more prosecutor to beat in trial to complete the sweep (which I told him and said I was going to send him a picture of a broom and say "SWEEEEEEP!!!" He thought that was pretty funny.)
So, despite how unlikely it may have seemed a year ago, I'm actually enjoying working on the felony cases. They definitely have more interesting search/seizure issues than most of the misdemeanor cases. And, it is definitely going to be difficult to get fired up about someone's driving after revocation or no insurance ticket after doing felonies. Not that I wouldn't do my best, but having had people get sent to prison for anywhere from 15 months to the rest of their life, it's hard to see 10 days in jail as a significant amount of jail time.
At any rate, I've got my fingers crossed that I won't get moved out of my county. It's the closest county to my house, which is also convenient. It's nice to do things like what I did today, where I left the office at 3:45 to drive to the jail and visit with a client for an hour and then headed home. The city that courthouse and jail are located in is right in the middle of the distance between my house and my office. It's like a straight shot to court/jail and then another 15 minutes in the same direction for the office and vice versa. So, that's really nice, too. Fingers crossed I will get to stay!!
Thing 3:
Hat called me today slightly nervous because a prosecutor had left him a message saying he was going to be subpoenaed for a trial. He wanted me to call her back because he didn't know what it would be about or why and I was an attorney so I would be better at talking to her. So, I called and left her a message telling her who I was and that I was a PD so my husband had wanted me to talk to her because he was kind of freaked out by her call. She called back and was very nice and polite and explained that Hat wasn't in trouble and explained why she needed him to testify. And after I talked to her, she said she might end up just subpoenaing both of us to testify.
We'd be very inconsequential in the overall case, but it's still a little strange to out of the blue be involved in some stranger's court case (and not as their attorney!). And I saw Hat's initials in the complaint and that was very bizarre. I read complaints all day long, so it's very weird to have my husband in one of them, even if it was very brief. So, we'll see what happens with that whole thing. I told Hat what the prosecutor needed him for and said he would be fine talking to her if she wanted to talk to him more. Then he wasn't so freaked out.
All right, that's all the unheaving at the moment. Time for bed!
Thing 1: Impending state government shutdown
(Read more about it here)
In a very short nutshell, the state government has till July 1 to pass a budget for the next fiscal year. As an aside, I never thought I'd use the term "fiscal year" since that has to do w/ math and economics and business and I'm
So, we all got layoff notices (I pointed out to Hat that since I technically was hired w/ the understanding I would be laid off in July of 2009, it made sense I was finally getting my layoff notice!). And then we all just kind of collectively shrugged our shoulders because it's pretty unlikely the courts and the PDs would shut down. So, while nothing has been decided yet, almost no one is panicking about it. It is still a bit freaky when you think about it though.
Also, I don't think I've ever gotten a layoff notice before. It's nice to know that my first one really isn't that serious.
Thing 2:
The attorney who left last July and whose cases I took over in the Great Felony Dump of 2010 is returning, along w/ a few other attorneys who took leaves of absences last July in order to save other people's jobs (meaning: my job!). This doesn't appear to be an issue as far as me getting laid off now that she's coming back (except for in the event of a state government shutdown, of course!). Rather, it appears that there will now be too many attorneys in the county I'm currently working in. There would be a total of 5 of us in one county. This attorney isn't coming back to take the felony caseload back--she's actually going to be doing another attorney's caseload.
So, that means that someone needs to be removed from the county and moved somewhere else. And it's either me or the other attorney whose caseload is being taken over by Returning Attorney. My vote is for other attorney.
Oddly enough, I seriously doubt if you told me I'd want to stay on the felony caseload about a year ago, when I was crying basically every day and hyperventilating in panic, I would have punched you in the face for even suggesting such a thing. However, after a year of felonies, I kind of have my groove down now. I've got a great schedule worked out w/ court administration. I'm available for court hearings M-W and the first and third Friday of the month. Thursdays and the second and fourth Fridays are my office days/jail visit days. Arguments about scheduling have pretty much entirely ceased since about last December.
I got my formula down for how I handle the cases--meet clients at the Rule 8 hearings, schedule office meetings with them to discuss their cases, work on resolutions and/or trial. I've got great relationships with the prosecuting attorneys and we get like 99.9% of our cases resolved in a way that my clients are satisfied with the outcomes. And, somehow, I've gotten the reputation of being one of the good public defenders, so I take that as proof that my clients really are satisfied w/ the work I've been doing.
And, let's not forget, I'm undefeated in felony trials. I just have one more prosecutor to beat in trial to complete the sweep (which I told him and said I was going to send him a picture of a broom and say "SWEEEEEEP!!!" He thought that was pretty funny.)
So, despite how unlikely it may have seemed a year ago, I'm actually enjoying working on the felony cases. They definitely have more interesting search/seizure issues than most of the misdemeanor cases. And, it is definitely going to be difficult to get fired up about someone's driving after revocation or no insurance ticket after doing felonies. Not that I wouldn't do my best, but having had people get sent to prison for anywhere from 15 months to the rest of their life, it's hard to see 10 days in jail as a significant amount of jail time.
At any rate, I've got my fingers crossed that I won't get moved out of my county. It's the closest county to my house, which is also convenient. It's nice to do things like what I did today, where I left the office at 3:45 to drive to the jail and visit with a client for an hour and then headed home. The city that courthouse and jail are located in is right in the middle of the distance between my house and my office. It's like a straight shot to court/jail and then another 15 minutes in the same direction for the office and vice versa. So, that's really nice, too. Fingers crossed I will get to stay!!
Thing 3:
Hat called me today slightly nervous because a prosecutor had left him a message saying he was going to be subpoenaed for a trial. He wanted me to call her back because he didn't know what it would be about or why and I was an attorney so I would be better at talking to her. So, I called and left her a message telling her who I was and that I was a PD so my husband had wanted me to talk to her because he was kind of freaked out by her call. She called back and was very nice and polite and explained that Hat wasn't in trouble and explained why she needed him to testify. And after I talked to her, she said she might end up just subpoenaing both of us to testify.
We'd be very inconsequential in the overall case, but it's still a little strange to out of the blue be involved in some stranger's court case (and not as their attorney!). And I saw Hat's initials in the complaint and that was very bizarre. I read complaints all day long, so it's very weird to have my husband in one of them, even if it was very brief. So, we'll see what happens with that whole thing. I told Hat what the prosecutor needed him for and said he would be fine talking to her if she wanted to talk to him more. Then he wasn't so freaked out.
All right, that's all the unheaving at the moment. Time for bed!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Pants are a pain all the time. Wearing them...making them...
I have been trying to sew a pair of pants for about 1 1/2 months now. Ever since Hat got me that sweet sewing box for my birthday, I've been working on a pair of pants for work. The first pair didn't work out because I messed up the pattern and they were too small. This was a major setback since the pants were almost completed and I was really upset over that mistake. But, I re-started the pants again and I'm now almost done. I'm like 3 steps away from being completely done with the pants. I will be extremely excited if I can complete the pants and they actually look decent! Pants are tricky...very, very tricky, as I've discovered. I'm sewing the hook-and-eye clasps on tonight and then I'll just have to do the hems and I'm done!!
Pictures will be forthcoming--assuming they don't look stupid. If they look stupid, then there will be no pictures.
Pictures will be forthcoming--assuming they don't look stupid. If they look stupid, then there will be no pictures.
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