This is weird

This is a real picture I took as I was walking back from the courthouse to my office.  I don't even understand what this is.  I've named it "Flamingo Graveyard" because apparently it's where plastic lawn flamingos go to die.  It's also the side of a church, so a graveyard seems fitting. 

Seriously.  What is going on?

I like my job on days like today

I have a client who needs absolutely needs an advocate. And a lot of help in all areas of their life, not just the criminal charges.
I spent just over an hour in the prosecutor's office this afternoon, working on a deal. We were able to agree on a deal that will keep my client out of prison and help them with getting on a better path in the future.
I like being able to use my awesome powers of persuasion to work out great resolutions for my clients' cases. Of course, my "powers of persuasion" sometimes just constists of me whining a lot and wheedling the prosecutors until they relent just to shut me up. But hey, whatever works, right?
Days like today make me feel good.

WINNING! (as Charlie Sheen would say)

Got an order on two of my cases today--dismissed for lack of probable cause on both.

I love that word--"dismissed."  It's like a fancy way of saying, "You win, Defense." I love winning. It doesn't happen all that often on the defense side of things, so it's magical when it does. 

Weeee!!  Good way to start my week. 

Sludge

So, you know that saying "Into each life some rain must fall?"  I think I'm the reverse of that--into my life some sunshine must fall.
The saying implies that life is generally happy but that some bad things inevitably must occur. But with me, it's the opposite. Life is generally crappy but inevitably some good things happen. But good things are the exception, not the rule.
I used to find some comfort in church and my crazy meds, but lately those don't seem to be doing much for me. I'm able to laugh and joke and have fun at times, but it's just a temporary distraction. I'm quickly back to feeling like I'm treading through sludge, barely able to do much beyond the absolutely needed tasks.

The past comes back again

I've been dismarried for over two weeks now (has it really been that long??). He and I had a brief email exchange a few days after it became final, which consisted of me telling him he did not need to pretend to want to talk to me anymore since the divorce was completed. I assumed he was being friendly so I didn't try to exact revenge in the divorce (which made me upset because I had been very gracious, all things considered) and told him he could stop now. He responded that he had talked to me bc he wanted to, not out of concern of being screwed in the divorce.

I'm not sure what this says about my life

The two biggest high points of my day today were managing to pull off wearing a cardigan instead of a suitcoat in court this morning and having the gas pump stop on $32.00 even without even trying.

I'm not even going to deny it

I freaking love "Thrift Shop" by Macklamore.
I find it awesome to hear a rap about shopping at Goodwill, since most rappers talk about how rich they are and how much bling they have.

For everything there is a season (but that doesn't mean I have to like it)

They say the only thing constant in life is change. For me, that is problematic. I'm not a big fan of change.

I wouldn't say I hate change. I don't hate change in general. I hate change I have no say in, change that I can't control, change that is thrust upon me with no warning and without my input in it. Change that I am choosing is fine. I'm a control freak and I hate not feeling in control.

Everything seems to be in transition lately. I'm not happy with it. I don't have time to adjust to one change before another comes along. I will be the first to admit I am a huge baby and I usually have to be dragged through change, kicking and screaming. And when they continually come one after another, I get cranky. And unhappy.

Too many changes at once make me feel stressed and anxious and crabby. I just got dismarried (a term recently suggested by a reader as an alternative to "divorced" since I can't bring myself to say it) and I'm trying to deal with that without constantly turning into a bawling mess, I'm trying to adjust to being moved to a new county and a new court, and there are even more changes coming at work. I'm left w/ very few things that aren't in some sort of transition.

This means I'm one cranky, crabby, unhappy, miserable girl. I can't seem to get my bearings on one aspect of my life before something else shifts. I don't like it. I don't enjoy constantly feeling like things are out of my control and I have no ability to do anything but keep my head down and try to make it through.

Basically, I'm an enormous ball of unhappiness right now. Moreso than usual.

Well that's good to know

Let's say you are mad and decide to choke/strangle someone. Not enough to cause them to black out or suffer any substantial bodily harm. Just a good ol' choking to let out your frustrations with them. And in this scenario, you are in Minnesota.
If you choke a "household or family member" (meaning anyone who you live with, have a kid with, are married to, had a significant sexual or romantic relationship with, etc.) then you will be charged w/ Felony Domestic Assault by Strangulation.
If you choke a stranger, your annoying co-worker, your kid's teacher, your friend, or anyone who isn't a family or household member, you will be charged w/ a Misdemeanor Fifth Degree Assault.
That misdemeanor could be knocked down to a disorderly conduct if it's a first offense. That's pretty much nothing.
So, the lesson here is only strangle friends, co-workers, or total strangers.
Thanks, silly Minnesota laws!

I'm old

I used to wear high heels all the time. In college, I used to go dancing in pointy-toe stiletto heels every weekend with no problem.
Yesterday I wore a round toe short heel to work. By the time I got home, I could barely walk because my feet hurt.
Sigh...

I'm unvarnished and people hate that

Now that I'm not married ( I still have trouble saying "I'm divorced.") people keep saying things like, "Now you can decide who you're going to be from this point on." Or things to that effect. My bishop (for you non-Mormons, the bishop is like a pastor of the local congregation) asked me what Version 3.0 of myself is going to be.
I find this confusing. I wasn't a vastly different person while married. I was certainly happier, but I didn't become a whole new person.
The other wrinkle in this is that everyone also keeps telling me not to let this make me bitter or cynical or pessimistic. Which makes me want to ask, "Have you met me before?" Those are kind of my key characteristics. They are the reason I have such charm (har har har).

It's safe to say most women would not appreciate this...

I find the most disturbing part of this story that, not only did this lawyer have sex with his client, he then BILLED her for it! Insanity...
http://m.twincities.com/twincities/db_39164/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=DOPbyP8h

Extra fun

I'm sick. How awesome. Spent all weekend feeling both emotionally and physically crappy. Had to miss a baby shower and birthday party on Saturday. Missing work today.
My life is a ball of fun.
Okay, back to bed. Hopefully sleep and orange juice will improve things.

At least I haven't lost my biting sarcasm

Text conversation with my friend:
Me: I'm so depressed. I wish I were dead so I could have some of those rewards in the next life (I'm not suicidal. I would not hurt or kill myself. This was a reference to an earlier conversation we had had, discussing how it is often discussed at church when going through hard times, to remember that there well be rewards in the next life, which I always thought sounded like an incentive for people to commit suicide. No need to be concerned.)
Friend: Will you stop taking like that? You're freaking me out. You're not looking at your clue board as a game plan are you? (She missed the reference, I guess.)
Me: Don't worry. I'd never kill myself. Ward and Hubert would run out of food and then eat my corpse and that is too creepy for words.
Yes folks, even in the midst of great sadness, my inner smart-ass still survives and cracks dark-humored jokes.

The Way Things Are

This was not how I wanted things to go. But very rarely does life ever give me what I want. In fact, usually if I want it, it either won't happen or it gets taken away. That is the way things have often seemed to go.
The finality at least means it's over now, although not the way I wanted. The uncertainty was painful. Having an end is also painful. But pain is something I'm very familiar with. I'm not sure I know what it is like to live without pain.
This has left me with scars, with wounds that will stop hurting so bad but will never heal. People tell me I'll meet someone else, but I won't. Because I won't ever open my heart again. I refuse to allow this to happen again and this experience has shown me that no matter how much you think you know someone, you don't. No one can be trusted enough to give my heart away again.
In my life, ever since I was a child, people have left me. Family has been an elusive concept. I have always worried I would never find a stable family; now I know that is true. No one stays, so I see no reason to form relationships with the expectation of longevity. For me, it's not a reality.
No man is an island, but I'm pretty close.

Well, it's official

As of today, I'm no longer married.
Damn, that still hurts like a bitch even though I knew it was coming.

Oh Law & Order: SVU, you're so silly

I love L&O:SVU but sometimes they are so off-base it's silly. This particular episode is ridiculously full of errors it's insanity.
1. Judge sustained an objection for leading on cross-exam. In real life, leading questions are the whole point of cross-exam.
2. Just as the judge in criminal court was about to accept a plea bargain, a lawyer who represented the victim walked in and handed the judge a restraining order from civil court barring the judge from accepting the plea and ordering all the criminal court parties (including the judge) to appear in civil court the next day. Say whaaaaaaaaa? That makes zero sense! For one, it would be an injunction, not a restraining order, or possibly a writ of prohibition, but not a restraining order. For two, what the what? A judge who isn't a higher court judge ordering another judge how to do their job? Not happening.
Oh, silly script writers...maybe ask a lawyer about stuff...

Relaxing in bliss

I'm going to be sad going back to work next week. I've so enjoyed my relaxation vacation. Sewing, reading, doing projects... I'm so blissfully relaxed. And I've absolutely loved the daily afternoon nap I've been able to have. I sometimes forget how much I love naps.
Oh yeah, and I'm going to make banana bread.
I love vacations.

2013

i am typing this on my kindle so we shall see how this works out...could be rather interesting...

So it's 2013 now. 2012 had a lot of crap moment in it. and by moments i mean months. But whatev. It is finally over and I have high hopes for this new year. Things can only get better, right? I sure hope so.

I am still on vacation this week. It has been super relaxing. i have been able to finally sew a skirt i have been wanting to sew forever and now i am making myself a new court bag. I have been able to get some household projects finished after living here for like six months. And i have been abl to spend lots of time napping with my kitties. If you ask them, that is the most important thing I have done. If i can finish my court bag in time I would like to start on another project while I have the time. I love sewing but I am still slow at it so it takes me awhile. but I love it!

Ok Hubert is getting all up in my face so it is time to go.