Uh...weird... I think I'm looking at the same person...and the more I look at them, the more I'm convinced I'm looking at the same person. Weird!
At any rate, that's not the only I'm thinking about lately. Although it's still creeping me out...
I've been feeling quite a bit lately like I'm just not good enough at pretty much everything I try to do. Clearly I'm not that awesome at being married, as that's disintegrating at the moment. And more and more I'm starting to wonder if I'm really that good at being a lawyer.
One of my bosses constantly reminds me of how inexperienced I am, which makes me wonder if perhaps my novice status shows through more than I realize. I have been doing this for over three years now, so I'm not a total rookie, and I think I'm pretty okay at what I do. But perhaps my newness is still readily apparent.
I also seem to be unable to keep the court personnel happy, no matter how much I try. I have only recently become aware of this fact. I try not to let this bother me, because I realize that no one can please everybody and as long as I'm doing the best that I can, that's all I can do. And most likely, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be so unnerved by it, but since I'm already feeling a bit raw as it is, it's getting to me. I just feel like everything I do is wrong and no matter what I do, someone is always mad at me or frustrated with me.
I don't know. I just feel lately like everything I hoped to have accomplished in my life by now has just crumbled. Two years ago, I was happily married and enjoyed my job. Now I'm pretty much divorced (although YKW has yet to file the papers, so technically we're still married) and I suck at my job.
And the Twins suck this year. Salt in the wound.
"I've been feeling quite a bit lately like I'm just not good enough at pretty much everything I try to do."
ReplyDeleteThat's a sure sign that you are good at it. See
Dunning–Kruger effect
for more. Think about it. Aren't the people who think themselves the MOST competent actually the biggest blowhards AND very INcompetent?
"One of my bosses constantly reminds me of how inexperienced I am."
Perfect example.
"I also seem to be unable to keep the court personnel happy, no matter how much I try."
Not your job. They're only happy when they're lazy.
And FWIW, most people are unsure of themselves. Read a few star biographies if you don't believe me.
"And I don't envy any of the other stars I've met and worked with up till now, either. None of them, not Elvis Presley (who tried to seduce me by confiding his vulnerabilities to me), not Paul Newman (who, strangely enough, had a complex about his physical appearance), not Lucille Ball (who was forced to cope with her husband's very public infidelity on practically a daily basis). Stars each and every one of them. But happy and fulfilled? I wonder."
-- Barbara Eden, "Jeannie out of the bottle".
Paul Newman? 'Nuff said?