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Best office prank ever:
1) Purchase a crazy buttload of those pine tree car air fresheners. Bonus for an extra noxious smell--I chose strawberry.
2) Tape them underneath your coworker's desk. NOT by the string--tape them flat so they aren't visible.
3) Close your coworker's door.
4) Let the hilarity ensure.
I did this after work today. I cannot wait to see his reaction tomorrow when he opens his door to Stinky Strawberry Surprise.
Well. We lost. Big surprise there. Because why would we ever win in the counties I work in?
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't extremely bitter about it. 1) Because he didn't do it and that was pretty freaking obvious. 2) Because I lost to that stupid intern. She had a catchphrase for the case, which was "the proof is on the roof." (My client supposedly tried to steal bumper covers from a junkyard by putting them on the roof of his car). So I lost the the stupid intern w/ her stupid Dr. Seuss-esque "proof on the roof" crap. How ridiculous.
I'd write more about it but it will just make me angry. Suffice it to say that after losing that one, I was upset enough about the loss that I actually questioned for the first time whether I'd have the emotional where-with-all to keep doing this line of work. I was so upset I couldn't stop thinking about it and I even got into a squabble w/ Hat over nothing because I was just in such a foul mood. And my guy's case was a misdemeanor theft--I can't imagine what I'd feel like if I lost a murder case or something where the client would end up in prison forever. Not to mention I really felt like if it was actually possible for me to lose to "proof on the roof" and have all her witnesses testify in favor of my client's theory of defense and still lose, then really, what difference does it even make if I'm there since the outcome is still exactly the same? Apparently, a prosecutor can get up there, scratch their nuts, belch, and then sit back down and the jury would think that was a well thought out argument and convict the defendant. So, it was a rough Thursday and Friday. But, tomorrow's another day. Gotta get back up on the horse.
Hat and I ate dinner for the first time at our dinner table tonight. It was really nice. I think we might make it a habit. Maybe. If there's nothing good on TV...
And finally, we've got tickets to the second to last game EVER at the Metrodome. I'm so sad there's no more Dome after this season! I know everyone else is really excited about the new Target Field, but I am not. I hate the weather--I hate the cold, I hate the excessive heat, I hate sweating, I hate being wet, I hate weather. I like being in a climate controlled environment like the Metrodome. Stupid obsession w/ outdoor baseball. Get over it--we're in MN, damnit. We don't have the right climate for outdoor baseball. Besides, how am I going to get a Dome Dog w/o the Dome?
Well, let's hope we destroy the Tigers 2-game lead. Goooooo Twins!
It's 6:42 a.m. and I have to start getting ready for the day in three minutes, so I'll make this quick. I'm in Day Two of a trial that started yesterday, where I actually think my client is innocent. He's accused of misdemeanor theft (of course it's misdemeanor--it's my case) and the prosecution offered him an incredibly good deal, but he didn't want it. He's never had a trial before, so he's nervous but he also is optimistic, which is good.
The prosecution is being represented by one of their student attorneys. I don't like her very much. She's very fake-sweet in a way that's exceptionally obnoxious. Plus, she always sounds snotty and condescending when she talks. I don't know if she even realizes it, but she does and it makes me insane.
And I almost couldn't believe it yesterday when, after opening arguments and after the jury was excused for the day, she asked the court to direct me to "follow proper courtroom procedure" and refer to people only by their first AND last names or Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So. The only person I'd referred to by first name was my client, who I actually referred to him by a shortened version of his first name (like how James can become Jim or Herbert can be Herb). The judge asked if that's what she was talking about and she said yes, to which the judge responded, "No, I'm not going to do direct Counsel to do that. I'm generally ok with the defense referring to their clients by their first name. Anyone else needs to be properly named, but I don't think I heard Counsel do that. So, if it's just her client, that's fine if she calls him by his first name."
Seriously? Pick your battles...
Actual conversation while driving with Hat today:
Me: Barf--I hate Pink. Change the radio station.
Hat: (changing station) I do hate her terrible music.
Me: Plus, she spells her name with an exclamation point.
Hat: What?! She does?
Me: Yeah. She spells it P-exclamation point-N-K.
Hat: Stupid. You know how I spell it?
Me: How?
Hat: P.....nis in her butt while she's sleeping.
Ahh, is it any wonder why I married him? What a charmer.
Well, my murder case is no more. His family hired private counsel for him. Insert sad face here. However, I'm hopeful that the extremely redonkulous cost of taking a murder case to trial with a private defense attorney will be prohibitive and he will end up back in our client list. Apparently, this has happened several times before. But, thank you to everyone who offered encouragement! At least I know that I was trusted by my managing attorneys w/ a murder case, even if it fizzled out before it really got started.
Now, onto my next thought, which is that I hate basically everyone in the county. The reason? Stupid crap like people getting up in arms when the President wants to tell school kids to try hard and stay in school. I hate you, Americans. You're morons. MORONS. At least, anyone who thinks this is an "indoctrination" of school kids is a moron.
But, my disgust and loathing of most Americans has been brewing for awhile and it's only things like today's bruhaha that make me want to beat my head against the nearest wall. Other things that drive me crazy include when people call Obama/his administration "socialists," "communists," or worst of all "Nazis/Hitler." The last one is particular disturbing because of the complete and utter disrespect it carries. Not disrespect for the President (although there is that), but disrespect for the millions of people who died at the hands of the Nazis and Hitler, disrespect for the memory of the unimaginable horror that was the Holocaust, disrespect for the survivors of that terrible time and the descendants of those people and the people who died. Government run health care is NOT the same as the systematic rounding up and slaughtering of millions of people. Stop being such disrespectful assholes and stop trivializing such a monumental historical time. If you hate Obama and his administration and his plan, fine. I don't care. But, at least have the decency to keep the Holocaust out of it. I also thought the same thing about people calling Bush a fascist and whatever other ridiculous buzzword they wanted. No, sorry--NOT THE SAME.
Mostly I hate Americans more and more lately because we don't think. It's like, if it's on Facebook or Twitter, especially by a politician or pundit, then it's true and then we can get all inflamed about it. And no one can disagree respectfully anymore--it's all name-calling, low-blows, and dragging the other side through the mud. Some of my closest friends are Republicans and I'm a true blue Democrat. And we don't see eye to eye on everything. But that's ok because we don't need to. It makes things interesting. Why can't we do that today on a broader level of society? Why can't we just disagree? Now we feel this need to throw sand in each other's eyes. It's pathetic. What happened to passionate but intelligent political discourse?
I found this website today: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/ It's interesting. I liked it quite a bit. It takes all the current things people/pundits/politicians have been discussing maniacally ranting about and checks them out for truthfulness. And it's not one-sided, either, which is nice.
Although Michele Bachmann is included and she has 6 statements that they checked out. She does come out w/ 3 "false" statements and 3 "pants on fire" statements, but that's because she's a blithering idiot. St. Cloud is in her district and that is a really stupid town. That's the same town that didn't understand that Hat's Indian friend (dots not feathers, as he describes himself) wasn't black. They couldn't understand that "black" refers mainly to people from Africa or of African descent and he was Indian, as in from India and that India is a different country than Africa. So, clearly they aren't firing with all engines there. Which explains Michele.
Ugh. I'm done. I could go on and on but then this would just become a tirade and we just bought Guitar Hero 5, which means I need to be playing "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi immediately.
Later.
"...shot through the heart, and you're to blame...you give love...a bad name..."
So...
I found out today that I got assigned as co-counsel on a second degree homicide. Which is going to the grand jury to see if it will become first degree. Hmm...
Needless to say, I feel extremely underqualified to be on this case. All the disorderly conduct misdemeanors in the world would not make me ready for a murder case, and certainly not after only 6 months on the job.
I wouldn't want me as co-counsel if I were the client, because I'd like someone with some experience, please.
My co-counsel on it is not much more experienced than I am, although he's handled more than his fair share of felonies and been on a few murders. He's been there for about three years.
I did find out that Chief picked me to be on it because, essentially, I'm young and therefore more aware of cultural differences and not a racist. The client is Somalian, so Chief must have had some concerns about some of the older attorneys ability to empathize and understand cultural differences that may be present.
I did have a wave of nausea though when our investigator had pulled together newspaper articles about it and I thought, "Oh no...the paper is following this? Oh man, I hope they don't publish anything about me. Everyone will see how crappy I am!"
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really overwhelmed with the responsibility of working on a murder case. I'm really freaked out by it.
